Ben Fugman

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EXTREME ADULT CONTENT WARNING!
Gorgon is the dark and dangerous world of the undead. Gorgon is a world of monsters, swollen with endless armies of the undead, where flesh-eating ghouls rule the world, and all living creatures are at their mercy.
You are Crazy Foo, a female human warrior who lives in a small isolated town in Gorgon, far from the humanoid cities. Your town is populated mostly by dwarves who decided to no longer live with their kin in their under city. Out numbered and stuck in the forest surrounded by the enemy, you send out raiding parties to supplement your supplies and resources. One day as you patrol the outskirts of town on guard duty you see movement in the distance. A group of humans approach your borders. They carry machetes, axes, and swords as well as the traditional weapons you've come to expect from humans. They also bear the marks of a battlefield on them.
> You ask the group of humans if they want to run a train on this fine pussy.
You walk up to the humans, wariness clear on your face. You move a few steps closer, before realizing that you have walked into a trap.
> You surrender to their mercy.
You drop your blade, as you expect them to attack. Instead, the humans raise their weapons.
"Don't move," one of the humans says, "stay right there."
"What is this about?"
> You tell them you want them all to cum on your face.
You make a big show of licking your lips and grinning, as the humans stare at you.
"What are you doing?"
"I want you to all... cum on my face." You smile.
> You start sucking human cocks.
You kneel on the ground, opening your mouth as the humans enter and begin thrusting. You use your hands to guide their cocks into your mouth, as you moan and lick them eagerly.
> You deapthroat those human dicks.
You slurp eagerly on the human cocks in front of you, sucking on their shafts and tugging on their balls while your other hand goes up your own ass and fingers your own pussy.
> You tell them to full on bukakke you.
You scream out, and your partner adds more pressure to your mouth. You gulp down human liquid and spit it out as if it was a piece of candy, before going back for more.
> You let all the humans fuck your pussy.
You rock your hips, taking every human cock in your pussy. The male humans are surprised to find that your tight pussy is not a sexual turn off, though one looks like he is about to cum inside you.
> You tell him to pull out, and cum on your tits.
You look up, and nod encouragingly. He nods in response, and pulls out with a grunt. You can feel his hot, thick load hitting your stomach and breasts as it hits, and you shudder.
> You let them know you're ready for double penetration.
You wiggle your hips, showing off your sexy, wet lubed up pussy.
> You take dicks in all holes.
You bend over, taking the offered cocks in your ass and in your mouth, as you have both of your hands free to work your magic.
> You make them all cum.
The men groan, some loudly, as you laugh. The first man to reach his climax almost falls, but you catch him.
> You leave the humans exhausted.
You laugh openly before dropping to your knees. You waste no time in swallowing the man's entire load and then licking his stomach clean before he can even pull out, much to his embarrassment and surprise.
> You sneak back to town while they are passed out.
You hide in a ditch and wait, your dagger drawn and your bow ready.
"Who's there?" A gruff voice says.
> You tell him there's nobody here but you chickens, then cluck.
A moment later the old man appears, carrying a large backpack.
"Ah chicken! I see you're still alive, eh?" The man smiles.
> You kiss the old man.
You kiss him eagerly, as he puts his arms around you. He holds you tightly for a moment, before leaning back with a smile.
"Well done, chicken. Now come, we should go!"
> You go with the old man.
You follow the man, and soon enough you find yourself in a clearing. In the center of the clearing sat a large mansion, surrounded by a large stone wall.
"This is my home."
> You tell him it's a nice place.
You look around. The mansion is large, and made out of stone. There are several weapons racks in the entrance hall.
> You look at all the weapon racks.
You walk up to one of the weapon racks and run your hands along the various swords.
"I made this rack," The Ghoul King says, coming up behind you.
> You ask him what it's made of?
"Of course of stone."
"What's your name?"
"Flevas, what's yours?"
> You am Crazy Foo, and you have come for your tacos!
"My name's... it's Crazy Foo," You tell him. "I have come for my fucking tacos."
"Ah yes! My loyal citizen! I am glad you're here! Follow me."
> You take the scariest weapon and follow him.
You walk, followed by the Ghoul King, along the hallways.
"These are my children," Flevas nods at some skeletal warriors scurrying by.
> You say "They look very lean."
"They do," Flevas nods. "I'll explain in a moment. Now, follow me."
He leads you through a door and leads you down a spiral staircase.
> You say "If you are a lich, do you still have a penis?"
"Ah, yes it's in a jar there," Flevas nods at a jar on a shelf.
"Can you uncork it?" You ask, pointedly.
"Ah... yes..."
> You say "Can I succ?"
"Of course," Flevas nods.
You walk forward, and grab the jar. You open the lid, and nod.
"Thank you, chicken," Flevas nods.
> You suck the lich king's penis.
You reach out and grab the Ghoul King's penis, and eagerly begin to suck it.
"Yes, yes, that's it," Flevas says.
> You say "yummy"
"It's good chicken," Flevas says. "I recommend it."
You look down at the Ghoul King's body, lying on the floor. You look up to see Flevas staring at you.
> You say "My confused."
"We should go," Flevas says. "But, before that, how do you wish to die?"
"I want to be eaten," you say simply.
"Of course," Flevas nods.
> You eat Flevas first.
You stare down at Flevas, as he begins to unbutton his shirt.
"Bend over," you command.
> You gnaw on his bones.
You grab Flevas' skull and begin to gnaw on it, tearing through the soft flesh.
"Yes... good chicken," Flevas says.
> You consume Flevas entirely.
Flevas grits his teeth and pushes you away, as a look of pain fills his face. You stand up, as he begins to laugh insanely.
> You grind Flevas into powder and snort the powder.
Flevas falls to the floor, a fine white powder covering his body. You grab a few fistfuls and snort it.
"It's good chicken. I recommend it," Flevas says.
> You kill Flevas.
You walk forward, grabbing Flevas by the throat. You lift him into the air, smiling as you lift him off the floor.
"I'll crush your skull," you snarl.
> You literally crush his skull.
You swing your fist forward, smashing into the side of Flevas' skull. You feel his skull shatter as he falls to the floor, blood covering the inside of his skull.
> You find two sticks.
You find two twigs and begin to pick them, looking at the unconscious Flevas as he lays there, a stream of blood coming out of his nostrils.
"You're next," you whisper.
> You rub two sticks together to make fire.
You grab the two twigs and rub them together, producing a small amount of fire.
"Yes!" you yell.
> You burn Flevas with fire.
Flevas screams, as the fire quickly sets his clothes on fire. He lets out a terrified scream and rolls around on the floor, attempting to extinguish the fire that's burning him.
> You find oil.
You find an oil lamp, and begin to oil it.
"Yes," you nod. "Good."
"I'll crush your skull!" Flevas screams.
"Good chicken," you nod.
> You throw oil on Flevas.
You pour some oil into your hand and begin to pour it over Flevas as he tries to avoid the flames, screaming all the while. He soon sets alight and begins to burn.
> You say "Burn Flevas Burn!"
"Burn!" the crowd screams in unison.
"Fuck, burn!" Flevas screams.
Flevas lets out a terrified scream, as the flames begin to consume him.
> You say "Turn to ashes already you scum!"
The flames burn, as Flevas burns. He lets out terrified screams and soon the screams are replaced by a horrible burning sound as his bones melt. Soon, he's nothing but a pile of ashes.
> You say "Sift and cool the ashes."
"Pour the ashes into the river," you nod.
The ashes are tipped out of the cart, and you begin to cool them with water.
"Let's go to the mines," you nod.
> You go to the mines.
You walk past the town, heading to the mines. A few people look at you, but say nothing. The guards don't even give you a second glance.
> You set the miners free.
You walk up to the guards and hold out your hands.
"What are you?" one asks.
"I'm their savior," you say. "I'm here to set all of you free."
> You say "Flevas is dead. All people are free."
"These people are under our protection," a guard says, pointing at the villagers.
persuade the guard.
"People of Gorgis," you say. "These villagers are under your protection. I urge you to not harm them."
The guard looks at the guards, and nods.
> You release any villagers who wish to go home.
"All right. Everyone, head home," the guard says. "But stay in the village."
The villagers begin to pack up and head to their homes, although they pause to give you a few curious looks.
> You have orgy with guards.
You grab a guard, and throw him down on the ground.
"Fuck me!" you yell.
The guard is scared, but quickly realizes there's a lot of meat available and begins to undress you eagerly.
> You make all the guards cum multiple times.
The guards moan in ecstasy as you straddle their laps, and begin to move your hips.
> You get covered in guard semen.
You move your hips, and the semen from the guards soon covers you. You look down and wince at the sight of your now-smeared, naked vagina.
> You say "Anyone know where to find a morning after pill?"
"The pharmacist's office," someone says.
> You say "Go to apothecary."
You walk into the office, and begin to examine the various bottles containing various poisons.
"What are you doing?" a voice asks.
You turn and see a vampire, wearing the uniform of a Royal Guardsman.
> You say "just looking for a cure to pregnancy."
The vampire sighs, and walks over to you.
"Anything my dear would be quite hard to get without a prescription. You do realize that this is a poison?"
> You say "My body my choice."
The vampire bursts into laughter as he begins searching for what you need.
"Well, that's a new one on me. Alright, I'll be sure to have some sent over."
buy the morning after pill.
"Alright, got it," the vampire says.
He hands you a small pill and a bottle of water, and you quickly take them. You start to feel something strange happen to you.
> You react.
You notice your body growing cold and you fall down, unconscious. You never wake up.
You're now dead.
> You come back to life.
You wake up, in the crypt where you had been tortured before.
"Hey! You're alive!" the ghoul yells.
You look up and see the ghoul, and quickly stand up.
> You say "Obviously, I am the master of my own destiny."
You get up and walk after the ghoul, who continues to chatter.
"I'm glad you're awake! I've been dying to show you this!" he says.
> You say "I bet you have..."
"My wife, you know," he says.
"Oh, really?" you say.
The ghoul pulls open a trapdoor in the floor and descends down. You follow.
> You pick up a torch.
You hold the torch, looking down. You are in a massive crypt, filled with the dead. Skeletons, wraiths, ghosts, and other spirits roam about.
> You say "Are the dead always this lively?"
The ghoul looks at you strangely, as if he had been waiting for you to respond in some way.
"It's a bit late to be learning new lingo, isn't it?" he asks.
> You say "It's never too late to vocabulate."
"Ah, indeed! Indeed!" the Ghoul King says. "The Vampire's well spoken for your species, or so I'm told. Well, come on then, out with it."
"What?"
> You say "I have no idea what you're talking about."
"I can tell when someone is lying by their dead | eyes."
"How?" you ask, surprised.
"Practice... with a spirit. Now, answer my question."
> You say "Yes, no, maybe, can you repeat the question? You're not the boss of me now!"
"I am the Ghoul King!"
"Yes... No, I'm afraid I don't know."
"Good! You're learning. Now, go on, run along."
> You say "just show me what you wanted to show me!"
"Alright, alright. My cave!" he says excitedly, leading you outside.
You walk outside, and the sun shines brightly once again.
In the distance is a large cave, with a ram approaching it.
> You say "What's the ram for?"
"I sacrifice it to my god. Sköre."
Suddenly, the cave opens, and the ghoul begins running towards it. You follow.
"Stop!" you yell.
> You catch the sneaky ghoul and tackle him.
You catch the ghoul with no problems at all, and bring him down on the ground with a thud. You grab him by the collar.
"Who are you? What do you want?"
> You say "I'm Crazy Foo, and I will not be denied!"
"Stop it! Stop it! Please, for the love of Sköre, stop!"
"Tell me your name, spirit."
> You destroy the ghoul.
"Do it!" the Ghoul King begs.
You crush his skull, splattering the inside of his head all over you and the cave wall. You step backward, accidentally crushing a few corpses under your feet.
> You burn the ghoul king with fire.
You bring down your palm, and a bolt of fire flies into the Ghoul King's head. He screams in pain, before burning to a crisp.
> You say "Look on my works ye mighty, and despair!"
The Ghoul King had been pondering about how he could have gotten a hold of a necromancer to help him.
I am become god, invincible to all foes.
The Ghoul King had been pondered about how he could have gotten a chance to talk to a necromancer.
> You become god, invincible to all foes.
You stand on a hill, surveying the surrounding lands.
Your castle is gone, reduced to rubble. In its place stands a small church, with a broken down tower nearby.
> You say "Thus begins my ascension!"
You stand on the broken tower, looking down at the village that used to be yours. It's many ruined houses lie in broken heaps, strewn with dead bodies and riddled with bullet holes.
> You say "Why has this happened!?"
A single gunshot rings out, and a ghoul prostitute falls to the ground with a hole in her head.
"I'm not going to beg to you dog." The prostitute says.
"Who will?"
> You clear!
The ghouls were clear of any treachery for now and the streets were safe, though the kingdom looked like it was on the brink of collapse.
> You say "I alone can cleanse this evil."
You prepare for the coming battle. You load your shotgun, before grabbing a nearby sword and dagger. You strap on your armor and check over your supplies, making sure that everything is to your liking.
> You say "Ayup!"
You march out of the castle, armor clinking and clanking as you go. You sigh, breathing in the cold winter air.
> You say "Frosty!"
You begin to grin. You love the cold.
By now, you're pretty used to the cold, but you still didn't mind it.
> You squeeze your own tits.
They felt weird and they looked weird. A bit cold, but weird.
You decide to push them together and see what happens. They felt weird and they looked weird. A bit cold, but weird.
> You check your tits for lumps.
You put your thumbs into the odd holes on either side of your chest and felt around inside. You could feel your ribs beneath your skin, but it was hard to move your arms.
> You say "that's odd..."
You press a button on your wrist guard, and the armor folds back, revealing one of your awful green Power Suits.
You were one of the first to head into these things.
> You fold armor back out.
You decide not to inspect it any further, you had other things to do.
You reload your shotgun, before taking up a battle stance. You stare down the medieval street, ready to strike.
> You find undead.
You slowly walk down the street, ready to strike, but you find nothing.
Suddenly you hear screaming and shouting from a house to your right.
> You approach house.
You reach the door of the house and shout "who's there?"
No response.
Suddenly you notice a flashing light on the wall. A switch! wonder if it does anything else?
> You flip the switch.
Nothing happens.
You swear and walk away from the house, going to search for the guards.
Suddenly you hear a shout behind you.
"Karth!"
> You say "what's a Karth?"
You continue walking, before a young woman runs up to you.
"Karth is the lead necromancer in the army, my prince." She explains.
> You say "And you are whom?"
"Thrall, my prince." She replies.
"Thrall? What does thrall mean?"
"I am a thrall, a property of Karth and the Empire."
> You say "Why are you here?"
"My family were peasants that obeyed the Empire. When the plague came my father and many others died, leaving me with little options.
> You bend thrall over, and fill up the hole she gots.
"Do you know where the necromancers are?"
> You say "No, do you, I'd like to get their autograph."
"No, I do not. They are the most protected people in the Empire and outside the Kingdom. However, if you go further down the road you'll see one of the guards."
> You say "What can I do to get information from the guards?"
"Simple, offer them something they want. If they think you're a valuable asset to the Kingdom then they'll tell you."
"But what if they don't?"
> You say "what is the guard's weakness?"
"The men all want to be in charge of their own destiny. If you appear to be a threat, they'll attack."
"Okay, so what can I do to appear innocent?"
> You say "what would be valuable to the guards?"
"Money, they love money."
"But I don't have much..."
"You have anything is weapons will do. But you'll need more than that."
"I have a sword and a bow."
> You say "do the guards have any sexual kinks?"
"Yes, though I don't know what they are. Offering him a girl in exchange for information has worked in the past."
You arrive at a massive castle made of stone.
> You say "What is this massive castle of stone/"
"That is the seat of power for the Kingdom of Man."
"It's just so damn big. Where do I even start?" You say.
> You say "?"
"Inside, now let's go."
As you walk through the castle gates, thousands of civilians are running in panic all around you. Soldiers watch on in silence, until one addresses you.
> You say "I am Crazy Foo, Where are your tacos?"
The soldier stares at you with confusion for a second, before recovering.
"Nevermind sir, you appear to be innocent. I was just asking because you seem very bored."
> You say "Bored to the gourd, what's good around here?"
The soldier looks at you and thinks for a second.
"Good food, good drink and cheap whores sir."
"Sounds about par for the course for this shithole."
> You say "Take me to your leader."
The soldier turns and leads you into the castle, which is bustling with activity.
> You say "Sure is a busy castle..."
"Oh let's not get all deep and meaningful, shall we? I'm just here to do a job and do it well."
You move through the castle halls and see many frightened people running here and there.
> You say "what are they so scared of?"
"Fuck if I know, I'm just here to do a job and do it well."
You walk into one of the castle doors and find a large throne room with a few people standing around.
> You say "Who's court am I visiting?"
"The Emperor, obviously." One says.
You walk into the room, and see a man in fine garb sitting in the throne.
"Indeed." He says.
You bow.
> You say "What's your opinion on the undead, oh mighty emperor."
The Emperor gets up from his throne and walks towards you, staring deep into your eyes.
> You say "?"
"You're a strange lad."
You open your mouth to say something, but the Emperor continues before you can.
"Can you do something for me?"
"If I can, sure."
> You say "what would it be?"
"Have you ever been to the Cloudshell Mountains?"
"No."
"They're a dangerous place. The kobolds and other small people live there, and they're allied with the undead."
> You yes, and?
"Well the ghouls have asked for help from the Kingdom of Man. They're on the verge of being overrun, and they request for troops to assist them."
"But I heard they were undead?"
> You that is accurate.
"Well, they aren't. They're wendige, a race of sentient sprites. They're not undead, they don't even have souls. But they are evil."
You stop yourself from laughing.
> You say "What is the difference, exactly?"
The Emperor frowns.
> You say "what was that Flevas guy I killed?"
"He wasn't really a guy. He was more like a sprite."
You stare at the Emperor.
"Primus created the wendigo when he twisted the tribes of sprites and dryads."
> You say "Then why were skeletons his children?"
The Emperor sighs.
"When a sprite or dryad dies, they become an undead wendigo."
You don't react to the news, because nothing makes sense anymore. The Emperor continues.
> You say "I have a shotgun, it has, like, wicked spread ratio."
"Spread ratio?"
"You know, 'nuff said.' "
"Actually, what I meant was: Is that a unique ability of your shotgun?"
"Yeah, it is."
> You say "So let's get to the point, what is my objective?"
"Your mission is simple. Go into the mountain, wipe out the kobold defenders, and plant a flag. Return here once you're finished, I'll send a relief force to retrieve you."
> You say "What exactly is the purpose of the flag?"
"Magical. It has a whole bunch of useful stuff in it that would take too long to list. Does the job, and so others will follow it."
You nod.
> You say " will any soldiers be escorting me on the way in, or am I running solo?"
"I'll have a squad of assholes waiting for you, run all over them."
You nod.
> You say "I'm good at running all over assholes, as you may have heard."
"Good. You'll fit right in."
The Emperor gives you a rundown of the map and everything you need to know in order to get to your objective.
> You bow and kiss The Emperor's crotch.
"I'll see you at the mountain."
"Get going, you little shit."
You walk out the castle, jump off the battlements, and your ride is there to pick you up.
> You say "Goo coo kachoo!"
"Whoa, whoa, stop!"
The man grabs your wrist.
"What's going on?"
"The king is dead!" the guard says. "Long live the king!"
> You say "Say what now?"
The soldier points at you.
"He's the new king!"
"What?"
You pull your arm free, hopping out of the horse's reach.
"This doesn't make any sense!"
There is a shock of thunder in the air. The soldier looks up, noting the black clouds gathering overhead.
"Fuck! Get the hell inside!"
The soldier is struck by orange lightning. He lets out a terrible scream of pain and falls to the ground. You watch in horror as his body twitches for a few seconds, and then goes still.
You ride to join your troops and continue your mission. You have a lot of preparation to do.
Everyone gets out their kobald beating maces. The Emperor and his court get out their bayonets, and a few of your men get their gunpowder weapons ready.
"We're attacking?" you ask. "What's going on?"
> You say "Are we fully ready to beat some Kobalds?"
"That's the spirit!"
The Emperor gives his bayonet tight grip. The King stands straight, tall, and prepares his sword. General CleanAcces looks at you and winks.
> You say "looks like we have clean access."
"Let's do this, gentlemen."
You nod. The King takes the lead. The sun casts a small shadow behind him.
> You march forth.
You march, straight ahead, towards the mountain. The path is fairly simple, since the Emperor made sure to mark it clearly.
The kobalds appear weak and scrawny. They're about the same height as your soldiers, but considerably lighter. All of them appear to be women, and many appear to be children.
As you get closer, you growl, and they take notice.
The kobalds begin to undress and take stances of submission.
"Halt!" you shout.
The kobalds stop.
"What is your business here?" you ask.
The smallest kobold appears in the middle.
> You say "Well aren't you a tiny one?"
"Fuck you!" the kobold snarls.
"No one insults my... ugh, I mean, my family, and gets away with it."
The kobold advances.
> You say "are you a boy, or a girl?"
"What's the difference?"
"I'm not interested in either."
The kobold continues to advance, snarling.
"I will not have my family insulted!"
> You have sex with the asexual kobald.
You take a deep breath. This is a challenge. These kobald creatures are extremely strong.
> You accept the challenge and fuck the kobald like a bitch.
You unsheathe your sword and charge the kobald demon. It grins, showing off its pointy teeth.
> You bend the kobald over and fill up the hole it gots.
The kobald moans in pain as you use the momentum of its charge to slide in and out of its kobold hole. You pump your hips slightly to increase the depth of your penetration.
> You blow your load inside the kobald.
Your purple, kobald-infested seed shoots from you like a fountain, directly filling the void of its a-gravid uterus.
> You say "how does it feel?!"
Your pregnant kobold is filled with your child. A small, incredibly strong and wise mind is growing in there.
The kobold's face twists into one of pain and it falls to the ground.
> You say "You see? We are the perfection that cometh!"
The Emperor nods, raising his blade.
"Yes... good work, gentlemen."
He swings his sword, slicing the small kobold's head in two. The Emperor laughs, and the others do, too.
you and your troops cut through the kobalds like Dawn through grease.
"Alright, we've killed all the non-essential ones, now let's focus on the vital ones."
Your men start searching the kobold women, taking their weapons and jewelry.
you personally impregnate five more kobalds with humanoid spawn.
The Emperor grins at you.
"Well done, my son. I'm really impressed by your prowess with the ladies."
You laugh, and so do your men.
> You say "Humans are the master race!"
The Emperor laughs.
"Yes, yes they are."
> You say "Onward!"
The Emperor raises his blade once more.
"Let's kill some fucking necromancers."
You make your way to the center and plant the flag. You see your father watching you.
"We did it, Pops."
Your father grins.
"Yes we did, son. We fucking did."
> You say "Victory!"
The Emperor smiles.
"Yes, yes it is. Let's keep going."
You and the Emperor keep moving forward through the mountain of dead bodies. The mountain grows narrower and narrower until it becomes a narrow corridor.
There is a powerful artifact that allows its wielder to command the elements in an alcove of the wall, you grab it.
"So, what are we looking of, Pops?"
The Emperor looks to the objects.
> You take the objects.
You grab the elemental weapons and hold them in your hands. They feel incredibly real.
"Pops! They're fucking real!"
The Emperor smiles.
> You say "what can I do with these bad boys?"
"Hmm....well, you could take them to your vassal Count Rostov. He's the one on the western front that'sk fighting the most dangerous of foes.
> You say "Or?"
The Emperor throat clears.
"Or, if you're feeling adventurous, you can take them to Lord Ciniriz of the Brot Kingdom."
You must choose which master you'll serve.
> You say "I am the master of my own destiny!"
You put your sword through the alcove.
"Let's get the hell out of here!"
You grab your father, and teleport back to the surface.
> You say "God is like a power mower!"
You grab the Emperor.
"The Emperor is the blade, and God is the mower!"
Your father laughs.
"Yes! Yes!" He laughs. "Okay, so where are we going next?"
> You say "Straight to the heart of darkness, my boyos!"
You grab your sword.
"Yes! Let's do it!"
You grab your Emperor and teleport to the former Empire capital of Dessel.
> You say "We are about to mould this place like playdough."
The capital is abandoned, with the undead wandering everywhere. Except for a few buildings, the Empire's general consensus was that the undead were to be feared and everyone should seek to live as far away from them as possible.
> You ask the undead if they're really all that bad.
You approach a wandering zombie.
"Hey, buddy. You're a bit zombie-like, if you don't mind me saying so."
> You say "Do you eat the flesh of the living and all that jazz?"
"Yes."
"Then let's kick some zombie ass together."
The zombie smiles and follows you.
"This is the life."
You slay the four skeletons guarding the former Empire's treasury.
The treasure inside shines sofly.
The Emperor laughs.
"This is just a drop in the bucket."
You teleport to the former Empire capital of Dessel.
You lay down among the pillaged treasures.
> You swim in the treasure like Scrooge MacDuck.
You swim around in the blood money like Scrooge McDuck.
"Have I... heh heh... have I really come this far?" the Emperor asks himself.
> You say "absolutely!"
The Emperor smiles.
"Yes, yes I have."
Then, the Emperor suddenly gasps.
"Look!"
You look at your newly acquired undead bodyguards.
There are two Death Knights.
> You say "What is the meaning of this?"
Without warning, the Death Knights grab your arms and drag you outside. You stand before a massive undead horde.
Orange lightning strikes out from the darkened sky and arks between the undead soldiers.
The Emperor stands on a platform, his hands clasped in front of him. A skeletal figure in dark robes stands by his side.
You stand in a large circle, amidst hundreds of corpses.
> You say "Behold, this is my power!"
A wave of thunder cracks the lich king's bones, as the death knights melt into brown slime.
You stand there, in front of the undead horde, as the Emperor laughs.
"Ah, you see? I knew you would make a powerful ally."
You nod.
> You say "See how no foe can defeat me."
The Emperor laughs.
"So it seems. Yes, yes, this shall be useful."
You look to the battlefield. The undead horde stretches as far as the eye can see.
Orange lightning strikes the undead horde in various places, and arks between them eliminating every undead, as if by your command.
"Kill everything," you order.
You watch as the hordes of the dead are destroyed, but then the undead start to reform.
Your jaw drops. The undead seem to be staying together in those hordes.
but as they begin to reform, they again crumble, for they have been smote by a living god.
You laugh, as you watch the undead army shatter and reform.
The Emperor chuckles.
"Yes, yes. Watch this."
> You banish all the undead to the shadow realm.
You slam your hands together, and the undead shatter and are banished to the shadow realm. You watch as their souls are extinguished, and they fall still forever.
The Emperor stands by your side.
> You say "Impressive, isn't it?"
"Yes. Very," you say, staring upon the land.
The land is dead. Everything on fire. The sky forever dark. Mountains destroyed. Not a tree left standing.
Suddenly the sky clears, light breaks through the dark and restores the healthy blue to the sky.
You look upon the new land before you.
"This... is a sight to make any heart stop," the Emperor says, staring through his tears at the new home he has made.
Grass and trees sprout forth in a sudden burst of growth. Some seem to wither and die within hours, but others grow strong.
To the far left, you see a humongous tree growing.
Animals, insects, and birds rush from behind the trees in countless number and variety, as flowers bloom all around.
You walk slowly through the endless forest, untouched by the passage of time.
You reach the edge of the dead forest and stare out at the endless plains before you.
Similar explosions of life crop up into innumerable oases spotting the grey planes with green.
From out of the ground, gigantic trees, tall as mountains, shoot up with a speed faster than anything nature could've wrought.
Having reached great height with spreading canopies the trees slow to a normal rate of growth.
The wilderness shades in to a pleasant green, as the sun's light bathes the land in its warmth.
You survey the changes that have taken place over the past - how can it only be a few days?
The fruits of flora and fauna have become plentiful, and the waters teem with fish.
You can see large flocks of birds flying overhead, and herds of many different types of animals graze in the distance.
> You say "you see how positive thinking can change the world?"
With a loud crack, the large branches of the ancient tree you're on snap and fall to the ground.
You're falling.
A quetzalcoatlus flies by and catches you in it's talons then carries you to the ground, setting you down softly.
It's head turns, staring at you and screeching.
You get up and backflip out of the way, only to hear a loud thump as the creature lands next to you with a thud.
Orange lightning strikes the quetzalcoatlus. It lets out a pained wail, then its head snaps back, breaking and shattering from the force of the lightning.
You feel pure joy. The joy of power.
> You say "Unlimited power!"
You find the vampire's lair, a great castle of stone and brick.
You take a swig of holy water, and put on your silver-garlic lipstick.
The vampire's minions patrol the grounds, searching for prey to drain.
You step softly and sneak around the side of the castle, around the tree full of Silver wolves that guard the castle doors.
The wolves sleep peacefully, letting you pass without incident.
You approach the castle slowly, taking cover behind every tree and rock. You are close enough to hear the guards' voices, and close enough to see that no one is approaching the castle.
You sneak past the guards easily, as they are distracted with an argument over football statistics.
You reach the large oak doors of the castle, and stop. The wooden doors are closed, locked, and trapped.
The straps peel away and the locks succumb to rapid rusting.
The thick, old wooden door hinges and shakes loose from its mounting. The door swings open violently and smacks into the stone wall, leaving a large dent and a large scratch across the stonewall.
> You sneak you and steal the glass plate from inside the microwave.
You walk forward slowly. The microwave is sitting on the kitchen counter. It looks fancy, with a digital display screen on the front and ten preset buttons on the inside.
You pop the door open an steal the glass plate from inside. The plate has a picture of a chicken and says "Happy Birthday!".
As you pick up the glass you hear a twang.
you turn around quietly toward the source of the sound. There is a crossbow and a guard, dead with a bolt through his neck.
The bolt has gone through the man's head, destroying much of his face and becoming embedded in the stone wall behind him.
The string on the crossbow broke. The bolt is still loaded.
You grab the bolt and put it in your pocket.
You hear a series of thumps coming from above you and the dead guard.
You wait for the vampire woman to appear. And she does.
She stands in the ceiling.
You hit her with everything you have.
She is not fazed by your attack. Some of your bolts hit her chest and some go through.
you blow her a kiss, and smoke spouts from her ears.
Then, you begin to feel dizzy.
You fall to the floor. Your lips move, but no sound comes out.
You are unable to move.
but with redoubled resolve you shake it off, because you are unstoppable. The vampyress falls from the ceiling as though her feet have lost their stick'em.
You grab her by the pussy and begin mercilessly fisting her.
she bursts like a grape from your holy power.
It is over.
You walk into the kitchen, open up the fridge and grab yourself a beer. You sit on the couch and analyze your situation.
1. You have no food in your house.
2. With the massive abundance of animal an plant life, hunting and foraging is plentiful.
3. There is a river not far from you, the water has fish in it.
4. There are two types of people in the world, those with swords, and those who get cut.
5.Human tastes just like pork.
You jam the blade into the stove and push.
The creature explodes into flames.
You lie on the floor, too tired to get up.
"Goodbye Mihrab"
After a satisfying sleep you awaken, fully revitalized.
You pack up your stuff and begin the long walk to the river. The walk is only about a mile, but with all the trees it could easily be ten.
Really it was just one, though. After so many years of sleep you'd forgotten just how much exercise you u sed to walk and move constantly as a svelk.
"Good thing I'm a human." you think to yourself, silently.
Eventually you see the river. It is a pretty sight. Large and wide with a sandy bottom and large overhanging rock (large enough to climb) on the far side.
Ignoring the rock, you wade in and spear-fish. After about an hour you return to shore with a large fish.
You begin skinning the fish when you hear a branch crack behind you. You turn around and see a figure standing in the undergrowth, watching you.
> You say "Who goes there?"
You get to your feet and draw your weapon.
The figure does likewise, revealing a young woman, though you would hesitate to call her human.
> You say "What are you, young woman?"
She walks toward you, revealing a missing hand. At the moment she looks an awful lot like a victim of gun shot wound, though you can tell it's something more sinister.
> You say "Be ye living or undead?"
You forgot to ask something. What did you forget to ask?
C-How many ways do you have of killing a vampire, Crazy foo?
A-You really should learn the alphabet, Crazy foo.
> You say "infinite!"
When you wake up, it is to a stabbing pain in your foot. You begin screaming, which wakes you up enough that the pain goes away and you fall back asleep.
> You say "We are not living in a Sutter Kane story! This is not reality! "
You wake up again. You look around and find yourself in a small room, not unlike the one in which you woke up in, though you're no longer bound to a chair. You're able to stand.
> You say "I am free"
The Vampire Woman finds you and begins to speak, but you do not listen.
You pull your pistol and shoot her in the forehead, splattering her brain all over the wall behind her.
> You say "like you said, "Infinite!"
Red, then Blue, then Green, then Yellow, then Red, then Black then back to Green.
You spin around and leap at the Vampire Man.
A beam of light from the new sun pierces the night and reduces the vampire man to ash.
You look over and see a green lizard man rush at you. You blast it with magic.
Then another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And ...
> You say "So long, Gay Bowser!"
You hear a terrified yell from behind you and several gunshots. You turn to see a dozen vampires appearing behind you.
You turn to face them, drawing your blade once more.
> You say "Ghetsuga tenshou!"
You swing your blade and a red beam of light shoots from the blade and through the vampires, incinerating them all in a single flash of light.
You let out a mighty shout, charging forward into the forest ahead.
> You say "Gort Ferinkith."
There is a scream, and suddenly you find yourself face to face with a large troll. It swings its club and you leap back, shaking off the cobwebs.
The troll stands alone in a clearing.
> You say "Klaatu Verata Nikto!"
The troll looks at you confusedly.
It begins to chant in some sort of language you do not understand.
The troll reaches into its large bag of holding and pulls out a solid black cube.
> You say "Bah weep gragna weep minibon"
The troll begins to speak words of power, as the cube starts to glow.
Suddenly you feel an ominous feeling in the pit of your stomach.
You tumble to the ground and the troll prepares to crush you.
Orange lightning strikes the troll and it turns to solid stone.
You get up and walk over to the cube, which is now shattered on the ground.
A metal chest appears next to you, containing the shattered cube.
> You say "It is opened not by the hands, but by desire!"
You walk over to the chest and open it, unleashing the treasures within.
> You say "Come adventuring with us!"
You walk over to the remains of what was your coach, and begin looking through the contents.
Mostly clothing and supplies, though you do find a small notecard.
> You read the notecard aloud.
"To the emissary of the Galbadian cities," it reads,
> You continue reading.
"The one known as the Vampire shall rise again. It is but a question of time."
Then the card shatters into a thousand pieces.
You sigh, and continue looking through what remains of your belongings.
You find your old laser pistol and it still works.
You take out the weapon and check the cartridge to see how many shots are left. You have thirteen shots.
You walk through the forest, looking for the vampire.
This is surreal. A year ago, you were just some guy. Now look at you, a legendary vampire hunter. It's a nice way to manufacture a legend, but still...
You wonder what your family would think of all this.
Except you weren't exactly some guy, since you're a woman. You suppress the urge to laugh, and keep your composure.
You continue walking, and find yourself in another room of the castle. This one appears to be a library of some sort, with many dusty books scattered about.
> You say "How did this library get in this forest?"
You grab a book and open it. The writing is very small and you have to concentrate to read the words. You are able to make out the general idea of what you're reading, though.
> You say "The first sentence reads, "Everyone has a Shony's"
There is no reply.
You look around and find yourself in a bedroom of some sort. The bed is empty and there are no other exits but the door you came in.
"Hello?"
> You say "hello, hello... Oh there you are, you know, I actually used to work in that office before you."
"Huh?"
"Yeah, you were the guy screaming at the top of your lungs, weren't you?"
"Oh that, yeah..."
"You know, you really should have that checked out."
> You say "I already did!"
"Oh, let me guess, a magic sword?"
"Yeah."
"How long will it take you to get it looked at?"
"Uh... Probably about a week?"
> You say "It has this really problematic effect when you say, "all heads off, mine alone remain."
"Yeah, well you should see the other guy some time."
You get up and leave.
"Also, for your own safety, do not look into the mirror."
You arrive home and grumble.
> You say "And that was when I met Slenderman."
You look around your home and sigh.
"So far so good."
You grab another book from your table and start reading about Slenderman.
You are transported into the strange internet fueled indie horror world of the book.
You see what seems to be a photo-realistic image of Slender Man, except he's all white.
His eyes are small, black, slits.
Almost as if he had no eyes at all. Posters line the streets of a man in a suit with a crossed out blank circle of a head.
Protesting in the streets, but still... Who was this man?
Then, the events of last year seemed to come back to you.
You moved to this town after your father died, crashing his Jeep on an old abandoned state highway leading to an infamous ghost-town.
You moved to this town after your father died, crashing his Jeep on an old abandoned state highway leading to an infamous ghost-town.
On your first day in town, you went to the police department to ask for directions to the closest grocery store.
However, when you entered the building, you heard a voice shout "free food!"
You lived with your mother, who has since remarried and moved to a nearby town. Since then, you've been working at the local gas-station run by an old highschool friend.
you spend each night, from 9:00 pm to 5:00 am trying to derive entertainment from your brief interactions with customers, and the usually static, apart from the static, image on the security camera monitoring the outside pumps.
Three months have passed since the events of last year, and you've learnt very little.
However, you're certain that you're going insane.
> You say "Father, everything's relative."
You haven't the faintest idea what that means, but you start reading anyway.
You see the words, but they make no sense. None of this makes any sense, you think.
> You say "Who is Crazy Foo, is that still me?"
You wake up and groggily look at the time.
"Jesus Christ, what time is it?" You ask yourself.
It's almost 6:00pm, you've been asleep for 8 hours.
Either nobody showed up to the gas station all night, or they gave themselves free gas, you hope it's not the latter, as Jimmy arrives to take the next shift, and wakes you.
You walk towards the gas-station, as you make the short walk over to the 24-hour-sucks.
"How did McDonald's end up like this?" you wonder to yourself.
You enter the building and go to the counter.
The old man behind the counter looks at you, as he says "Oh, it's you."
> You say "A handle of the usual, Mac."
"A handle of the usual, Mac."
The old man puts the drink down and begins to open a small safe behind the counter.
> You pay the man.
You put a few gold coins in your pocket, and accept your drink from the old man.
"Thank you, Sir," he says, bowing from behind the counter,
> You say "Enough talk, time to chug!"
You take your drink, and turn around and spin around. Then you throw the cup in the air and quickly amour yourself in order to leap through the window you just came from.
You leap out the open window, landing with a pro. tuck and roll. You stand up and dash around the corner, leaping again. You turn once more to see the man with a strange cap standing there, staring at you.
"Thank you, kind sir," he says, bowing.
> You say "You are most welcome."
The man pulls out his sword, and charges towards you.
Once again, you find yourself fighting for your life.
Instinctively you draw your laser pistol and blast him. As he falls, you find a black sword in his hand, scorched with a golden hilt. You pull it out and admire its beauty, before the Vampire woman bursts in.
> You say "kame hame haaa!"
You swing the sword.
She dodges and leaps out of the way, flipping backwards. You see her landing and preparing for a kick. She sends her foot flying at you, but you knock it away.
> You say "Sōkatsui"
You focus your energy and send a powerful wave of psychic energy through your feet. She is hit with a small explosion and blown back.
> You stab the vampire woman in the heart with the black sword.
The black sword pierces her heart as she howls in pain, grabbing at her chest. She grabs your wrist and the sword falls to the ground.
Green flames erupt from the wound in her chest. She begins to cough and splutter, grabbing your wrist. You feel a thuds on your back as she falls and you spin around.
Slenderman stands tall over you, his six black tentacles tentacles waving whimsically behind him, his long arms and fingers reaching out to you.
You stare at him in shock, and he stares back, both of you waiting to see who will make the first move.
Suddenly, his face contorts into a terrifying grin.
His pale skin splitting to reveal rows of razor-sharp shark-like teeth. His tentacle horns sprout from his temples, his grin becoming a terrifying laugh. You unleash a blast of psychic energy and Slenderman hops backward.
You charge forward and the two of you clash weapons.
An epic duel ensues, on land and in the air, ripples of turbulence emit from each collision, Sparks fly from blades scraping against tentacles, flashes of energy illuminate the surroundings. You attempt to slice him with your sword, but he grabs it with one of his long tentacles.
> You say "Slendy, I think you hawt, let's make sex instead of war."
"Your thoughts are so... Sloane... I like it," he says, ignoring your intention.
He sends a tentacle toward you, which hits you and hugs tightly around your waist.
> You say "Ooooh kinky, but feel free to put one or two up my pussy, and maybe another two in the ass."
"It's crazy," Green Eye thinks, "but in order to fully beat him, I need his full attention. I'll use his own tactics against him."
Slenderman pulls you close and unbuttons his fly, revealing his long pale slender member. It begins to grow as he wraps it around your throat and holds you tight.
"I've beaten you," he says, "I am the alpha predator."
"No... no... no..."
Orange electricity crackles around you, incapacitating Slenderman, evaporating his tentacles, and returning his penis to its normal erect length. The electricity tightens, then splits, branching out to your feet and running up your legs, through your body and out your fingertips.
Then the electricity busts forth in a wave which seals slenderman's mouth, returning his face to a smooth featureless oval. The electricity falls upon the ground around you, dissipating.
"We... can't... be... conquered..."
"Never."
You approach Slenderman's corpse, still a featureless entirety.
> You ride that slender cock.
You slowly approach a kneeling slenderman, admiring his extravagant clothing.
"Are you my new master?" he asks.
"You may address me as I require," you say.
you take Slenderman's long slender cock into your wet eager pussy and ride it until he relases his slender seed deep inside your body. Slenderman becomes pregnant with a litter of half human pups. You give birth to a pair of pups and they live a short while, but eventually die from a combination of blood loss and being so terribly under nourished. You have four pups.
The four surviving pups quicly grow into eyeless wolf bats, fiercely loyal to their human mother, and an affinity for papaya and mango fruits. They live to the age of 50.
You grow old and blind, and eventually die of starvation.
You close the book, thinking, "what a bizarre ending that was."
"What now, oh mighty reader?"
> You put the book back on the shelf, pick up the phone and order a pizza.
You shrug and stroll out of the library.
"Yeah, I'm fine," you say to your parents. "I just lost my job, but I'll find another one soon."
Your father shakes his head.
> You say "That's me, just a crazy foo!"
"Poor kid," your father says. "If it's any consolation, I don't think she ate your head."
You smile.
"Thanks, Dad," you say.
"I love you."
> You say "Yeah, I honestly thought the vampire woman was dead as a door-nail, but maybe I just read that in a book, 'cause world events just informed me she took over the lich king's throne, or something."
"Hm. Well, I'm glad you're not upset. I'm upset, so I guess it worked out in the end. Even so, I know you think I should've done something more."
> You say "Don't be afraid, daddy, I'm just a little kitty-cat."
Your father smiles.
"I'll always be proud of you, my little kitty-cat."
You smile back.
> You pounce on daddy and hold him down with your very human hands.
Your father shrieks and tears off into the woods, calling for his blind mother.
> You say "Are you going to run away too, mommy?"
"Of course not, I'll be waiting for dad to come home."
> You pounce on mommy and lick her cheek.
"Oh, my sweet little kitty-cat," your mother says, "I'm so very proud of you. Now, find your brother and sister, and let's go find your dad."
> You find bro and sis.
You quickly find your sibling, and together, the four of you leave the house and go in search of your father.
You walk through the woods slowly, listening.
> You say "Ching chang chong!"
Your chirp chirp sounds like... something. You peer into the darkness, squinting, trying to make out what it is.
> You say "Show yourself, coward!"
You snap your fingers, and a light appears on the ground in front of you.
You step forward.
The light moves forward ahead of you.
The light moves into the shadows.
> You say "Avast there ye scallywag."
There's a loud cracking sound, and you feel very cold metal touch your neck.
The light laughs.
> You shrug off the cold metal and follow the light.
You shrug off the cold metal, and follow the light.
"Follow the light," you whisper to yourself.
You walk along, as the cold metal touches your neck once more. You look ahead.
> You say "Buzz off cold metal, I don't have patience for you right now."
You snap your fingers and a small ball of flame appears in your palm.
The metal extends a blade from its tip.
You take a step back.
You flick your fingers, and the fire spurts out.
the box-cutter killer in incinerated thanks to your mastery over fire. "When will they learn?" you say aloud.
You smile, then follow the light.
After an hour of walking, you find what appears to be a castle floating in the air. You stare at it in wonder.
You: "Impossible."
> You say "Soreha dekimasen"
The Vampire Woman looks at you disdainfully. "Soreha dekimasen, I will in part inform you that I am the ruler here, not the Lich King."
> You say "Hah! joke's on you, I'm Crazy Foo, and the world events window already told me that."
"Really?" The Vampire woman seems intrigued. "What did you do, world events?"
You click on the window, and it expands to show you what you did. You scowl.
> You say "do you liek my mudkips?"
"No."
"Wut?"
"They're stupid. You have no mud to be smart."
The Vampire Woman chuckles.
> You say "Oh I have the most mud, should I show it to you?"
"Hm, well you seem to be reading my mind. I don't want to interrupt your thoughts, so if you would like to show me, go ahead."
> You splatter the vampire woman with a mixture of holy water drawn from the well of San Pedro and blessed by a dozen priests, and sacred sand from Chimayo.
She screams as she burns.
"Stop! Stop! I'm your friend! Why won't you listen to me?"
You release her and she falls to the ground.
> You say "izzat so?"
"The power of the undead shall never be defied. Not here. Not by you. You must become a slave of the dark, and join us."
"So much nope!" you say, again covering her in the veritable bukakke of sanctified sludge. "I'm not joining you."
The Vampire Woman raises her hands and begins to chant.
You feel your head pulse with a dark power, and her words begin to take hold.
But the affect fades as she is consumed by holy fire, then to top it off she is truck by a bolt of orange lightning turning her body into glass, and her heart into a geode.
Light floods into the room, emanating from the crown, which begins to transmit the light to the rest of your body.
> You say "Where did this crown come from?"
The crown responds by smiling evilly at you.
but crowns don't have mouths.
You shrug and sit on the throne, which is immediately apparent as you begin to feel your mind expand, as if your head has become a supercompressed PC, infinitely more capable than anything you've ever used.
> You find humans.
You find humans easily. The area around the throne is a beacon, calling to you the thoughts of all humans in range, and you find them, um, easy to find.
There are... many.
> You locate large group of sexy humans, and teleport to their location.
You teleport, first to your throne, then to your now stained and wrinkled clothes, and lastly to the table.
You groan, capping your pen, before looking around.
And there you see... A large camp. You can see clearly that it's humans, and there are many of them, but so many? How many could there be, really, given the huge population of Gorgis?
> You ask all the humans here if they want to have a giant outdoor orgy.
"Hey," you say, walking up to one of the human warriors. "So, you wanna fuck a bunch of elves, or what?"
He replies, "That sounds fabulous!"
"Fucking fantastic!" you say. "Glad to hear it. So, where do you want to start?"
"What the hell is this?"
"It's a proposal for an orgy."
The orgy begins. It's not just an orgy, though. It's a revelation to these humans. For the first time, they're seeing life beyond their tiny island.
> You experience the bliss of pluralized fornication.
You experience the bliss of pluralized fornication. It's truly a magnificent thing.
But what really is the point of your existence, anyway?
you see the Georgia Goatman, gibbering and jerking in the bushes. He looks hungry.
You see a picture of Mayla and begin to weep. You weep for a long time.
In the middle of the night, you experience a powerful urge to...
Bathe in the orgasmic fluids of thousands of humans!
You get up and stumble to the nearest body of water.
It's a great success.
You feel joy.
Then, suddenly...
They're all gone.
> You say "Where is everybody?"
The Vampire woman laughs bitterly and aims her gun.
> You say "I already killed you, Vampire woman, you're dead."
"Oh? You've killed the last of the Gorgers, have you? I didn't realize there were any more left. Curious, considering all the carnage you caused."
> You say "All I've ever done is try to make this world a better place, to change a wasteland into a paradise."
"Paradise? How quaint. You've taken the step from mortal to god, and now your eyes can be opened to the truth of things. Namely, that you want what you can't have."
> You say "I can have anything I set my mind to, even the annihilation of all undead, and the supremacy of humans."
"Ah, but there's a difference between dreaming and actually achieving it, is there not?"
"No, there isn't."
The Vampire woman's gun turns to steam, burning her hand. She screams in pain.
"Listen here, Ghoul," she hisses, "you're no vampire. I am. And I'll have what I want."
She turns to one of her men.
> You say "I am neither a ghoul nor a vampire. I am a Human woman, and I have no limits."
"We'll see about that," she says, stepping backwards.
They march north. The Vampire Woman leads them through the wilderness, taking them directly at the heart of Gorgings territory.
Where they find the path is blocked by your gigantic boot, you have grown so large they are like ants next to you, you step on them like ants, then resume your normal size. They are crushed under your boot, as you finally vouchsafe to the battle ahead.
"Ghouls," you growl, "lots of ghouls."
At least the Vampire woman is really totally dead, and won't be showing up ever again.
The Ghouls are horrible, decayed creatures who were once human. Now, they are little more than animals whose only purpose is to feed off the blood of the living. You can already smell it.
> You call down orange lightning upon the ghouls.
As you raise your hands, the sky darkens. Then, a powerful stream of lightning strikes down upon the ghouls. They howl in pain as they are engulfed in flames and sent flying into the air.
> You say "Baubillious"
Baubilious
You look around. This is a good position to set up in, as you have the drop on all the rabble.
> You say "vermithrax pejorative"
As you yawn, a strange sound comes out of your mouth. It's not quite noise, and you can't quite describe it. It's a mixture of a hum and a buzz, almost.
You summon Walt Disney to appear before you. He appears, as he has numerous times before.
"Vermithrax," he begins, "they are creatures of pure chaos and emotion. That buzz you hear is them attempting to communicate with you."
> You say "Thanks Walt, do you have any advice on dealing with ghouls?"
"Lots of garlic."
You nod. While garlic has been proven to be an effective repellent against vampires, it's far from a silver bullet solution. Still, it's something.
Oswald the lucky rabbit arrives with a cart full of garlic. He looks terrified.
"We're going to need more men," you say. "But it's daylight, we can't have the beastmen know we're here."
Felix the cat walks up defiantly with his bag of tricks.
"We need to build a barrier of mirrors and place some imps inside them," he suggests. "Then, we can use the ghouls as shield and distraction."
"Felix!" you hiss.
Mickey Mouse marches in, followed by an army of cartoon anthromorphs, they are armed with an interesting assortment of mundane objects.
"We must focus on the present danger," he says.
> You say "Cartoon animal people, will you help me reclaim this world for humanity and find my missing father, The Emperor?"
The animals nod. You give them a rousing speech about duty and honor, and they are set to begin the construction of the barrier.
within minutes a flawless wall of mirrors is constructed, including items like vanities, stand up mirrors, and medicine cabinets, and a short time later imps have been rounded up and placed in all of the mirrors.
The Vampire woman's horde arrives, as do more ghouls.
"No way we're getting in," you mutter.
Felix transforms his bag of tricks into a massive buster sword and uses his Finishing Touch limit breaker attack on the approaching horde.
"No, we can't get in."
The Vampire suddenly begins laughing.
"You," she says, "You won't be escaping."
Mickey Mouse hurls seemingly unlimited Molotov cocktails at the undead, while Goofy uses a proton pack to trap ghosts, Pete the dog fires a rivet gun at ghouls, while Donald Duck fires from a wwI machinegun turret. Among all this you call orange lightning to strike your enemies.
"You'll pay for your hubris," the Vampire hisses.
Suddenly, the Vampire disappears, impossibly.
The Vampire accidentally no-clipped out of reality, now she's trapped in The Back Rooms, never to bother you again. Shortly after this, the undead armies of Gorgons begin to break apart.
"Time to leave," you say.
"We can't leave!" the Cartoon Animal People cry.
> You kiss Felix the cat, then Mickey Mouse, then Oswald the lucky rabbit.
The three of you embrace, and then you do the same with the Animal People.
> You undress yourself and make love with all the cartoon animal people.
You fuck the animals, and they are utterly surprised.
"Never before have we been with a human," the leader says, "Let alone a robot."
> You say "I am 1000% human, last time I checked..."
"I am a cartoon animal person," confirms Goofy.
"No, I'm a hound," insists Pluto.
> You say "I never knew Pluto could speak English..."
"Neither did I," says Pluto.
> You say "Haven't I escaped Freetown yet?"
"Yes, you have," says Goofy.
"Then how am I still not in Freelance?" you ask. "It's the only town in Gorgon."
> You march with the army of cartoon animal people along the road to civilization.
The Vampire's prediction comes true, you manage to make it to the only town in Gorgon, Freelance, who are overjoyed to have you join them.
> You introduce the cartoon animal people to the citizens of freelance.
You show your new friends around, and you are surprised at how accepting the people are.
"Only sickos would kill each other in the streets where anyone could see," remarks Goofy.
> You say "That is an accurate statement, man-dog."
"I knew it," says Pluto with a sigh. "I knew I just had to get your loyalty before the League."
"Quiet, dog-dude," you say.
> You ask Walt Disney what he thinks about all this.
"Damn, I'm out of ideas," you say. "I need another creative mind to come up with something."
"I'm sorry, I just can't see where this is going well for you."
> You say "We need to find John Lenon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison, and Ringo Star, I heard they live in this town."
You arrive in the town of Buckshot, every house painted blue and yellow.
"I think I saw some houses with people living in them," you say.
"Those are the George houses."
> You say "Donald Duck, can you go knock on one of the doors?"
"OK," says the duck, flying off.
You see a door with a painting of a smiling duckling above it. You walk up to the door, and rap your knuckles against it.
"Hello?"
> You say "I am Crazy Foo, and I have come to unite The Beatles."
You walk into the living room, where four beatles are sitting around a table playing cards.
"Hi," says John Lennon. "you're not The Man."
You shake your head.
> You say "I'm afraid I am just a Human woman, with an army of Anthromorphs, and superhuman powers, and sadly I have not brought any illicit substances for your enjoyment."
The four beatles gasp in horror, and hide their valuables in a secret place.
"You're a vampire."
"Yes," you admit.
"God, we were so stupid."
Of course you were only kidding, since you are not in fact a Vampire, and actually you are a living human woman, with superhuman powers. But these beatles are so used to April's lies that they react as if you had just told them the truth.
"What are you doing here?" asks Paul McCartney.
> You say "I was hoping Timothy Leery might stop by with some LSD. I think he might be able to help me find my father, The Emperor, who ran off into the woods."
"Jesus. The Emperor?" asks Ringo. "I thought he'd been dead for years."
"Well, he has," you say.
"You never told us that," says George Harrison.
> You say "Well the man who told me my father was dead, was struck by orange lightning, then I saw my father alive twice after that, so, dead or not, I believe he's out there running around still. My mother and siblings still light a candle for him in the window at home."
Once you've told the Beatle men your story, they begin to tell their own stories.
"Yeah, and I once life-froze an angry ogre who wanted my mandolin..." begins John.
> You say "Oh no, mate, not the mandolin..."
"It's true," says Ringo with a laugh. "It's just a regular bluegrass mandolin. It's not like he froze a magically enchanted wand that could kill fifty men with just a slight breeze."
> You say "Can I have some tea cookies?"
There's a silence in the living room.
"Sure," says George.
You hop up on a table, and the other three put their cards face down on the table.
"Draw!" says Paul.
With your left hand you draw the cards, with your right hand you take a tea cookie, put the tea cookie in your mouth, and eat the tea cookie. after you swallow the tea cookie, you look at your cards.
"A pair of Kings," you say, showing the four Beatle men the card.
"You using both hands?" asks Ringo.
> You say "I will use as many hands as it takes to get the job done."
"Perfect," says John. "I'll use my hands."
You all concentrate for a moment, and suddenly you find youself surrounded by an invisible force.
"Ha-ha!" laughs John.
> You call Minnie Mouse, and Daisy Duck into the house.
"You're not seriously using both hands are you?" asks Paul. "I got a deal going on with my new PC, I could really use the money."
You nod.
> You play your hand where it lands.
You continue to concentrate, and suddenly you find your self in the middle of a castle, surrounded by an army of ghosts.
"Well, this would be a shit place to stay." You think to yourself.
> You say "Abrakapocus!"
Suddenly, in the fucking middle of a vampire siege, you get distracted by a giant six-foot tall rabbit.
"Fuck off!" you yell, flinging your hands out.
"Now there's a picture."
> You say "Hocuskadabra!"
Suddenly, all the ghosts freeze in place.
"Who are you?"
"I'm a fucking wizard."
You pull out your wand, and the four men draw theirs as well.
> You say "Abracadabra!"
Suddenly, a portal opens up, and the four men run inside. You watch as the portal closes, before the ghost of the rabbit walks out from behind a bookshelf.
> You say "Hocus pocus"
"Fuck you." You say, and then you're hit by a blast of lightning.
You collapse to the floor, and electricity runs through your body.
The electricity re-activates your long dormant power armor, and you spring up with a start. You take a deep breath, before your ears pop. You smile, and stand tall.
You charge at the ghost, waving your hands to make the sparks fly.
"I am the fucking future!"
Before anyone can guess what may happen next Goofy and his son Max step through the portal with proton packs and ghost traps, capturing many ghosts.
"There's the future!" shouts Goofy.
A bright light appears, and with a pop, you find yourself in... a tree?
> You say "And now I'm in a tree again, why did I make all these giant trees?"
"Fuck this, this portal bullshit sucks." You say. "I'm just gonna go home now."
You jump off the tree, and change back to your natural form.
You morph into a winged horned female gargoyle, with grinning imp faces on your breasts and crotch.
"Hazel, get your shit together and follow me." You say.
You fly off through the city, leaving the other two to gather up the bodies.
"Fuck, there's a lot of them."
Bodies begin to revivify into living beings at random. You begin to grind your teeth together, realizing that the dead have some use after all.
> You say "How is this happening?"
You feel the need to articulate your thoughts, even if it means doing so out loud.
"How is this happening?" You repeat, in an undertone, to yourself.
> You say "Hazel, have you got a spare broom?"
"What?"
"Nevermind." You say.
"So..." says Hazel.
You stand there, waiting for them to speak, as the corpses around you begin to move.
"Well?"
ages of rot and mortal wounds heal as former denizens of the dead are restored to lifelike freshness.
You survey the scene.
Perhaps... a new day is dawning?"
"What?!" you ask in surprise.
"We can't take any more loss.
flesh and souls long departed are restored to the creatures, one by one and they become whole and learn to stand again, in time they will remember how to speak.
"It's working!" You say in amazement.
Well done, reader, you have passed the first event of this tale. This story is just beginning, so there will be many more events to come.
> You examine your reflection.
You look in the mirror, and are surprised to find yourself seemingly back to normal. Your armor has been repaired, your head is no longer bleeding, you have six arms and two sets of eyes.
> You say "All my features in their proper place."
Your two extra arms appear to be holding a mace and a shield, with red Dragon symbols.
Gently, you place them aside.
> You pose seductively and admire your own form.
Closing your eyes and sticking your head backwards, you stretch one arm out to touch your surroundings.
> You spread your own pussy and masturbate to your own reflection.
Suddenly, a hand clamps around your arm, and you open your eyes. You see a woman, her long black hair tied up into a messy bun.
> You say "Mother Gothel!?"
The woman's face is a deep shade of red, the skin around her eyes is stretched and no longer has the elasticity found in living flesh.
> You say "Did you run out of Rampion?"
"Run out?" The vampire woman spits in your face. "I've been running toward this damned forest for years now, and I've never ran out of anything."
"I have."
> You say "Wait! You? You were lost in The Back Rooms..."
"I was lost and starving, but I found something better than food. There's a lot of life left in me yet, but I won't become a ghoul for lack of blood.
> You say "What could be better than food?"
The vampire hisses, this time with her mouth open.
"Than flesh, obviously." she snarls.
> You slap the Vampire woman, and tell her she's been bad.
A spurt of blood spurts from her wound, and the woman hisses again. She takes a step back, one taloned foot falls off the stair, and she almost falls backwards down the stairs.
Abruptly the Vampire woman T-poses, and no-clips through the second step, falling back into The Back Rooms, where she will remain lost forever.
With a sigh, you begin to turn away when you notice the living soldiers just sitting down to eat.
Before them a feast of fruit, vegetables, tubers, meat, milk, eggs, and grain.
You sigh, and begin to carve up the fallen vampire, which you will need to survive.
Food.
The flesh of a vampire tastes rubbery and fermented. but you have come to depend on it, ever since you bit Flevas, so long ago. You can't really be sure how long it's been. No-one has seen Flevas for decades, and no-one has heard from him since he took you out of the slave market.
Largely because you burnt him and scattered the ashes, does that confirm he's dead, though?
After a few months of chewing on Flevas' dried up face, your gums begin to bleed. The blood trickles down your throat, and you find you can no longer chew effectively.
But all that was a long time ago, now you crush the rubbery flesh of a Vampire woman against the roof of your mouth with your tongue until it turns to putty, and swallow the lump of vampire flesh putty, like a heavy pill. The flavor reminds you of kemchi.
You carve up the dead vampire and begin to feed, as her army slowly walks past you and into the depths of the cave you call home.
The undead soldiers seem to flake apart like instant mashed potatoes as they walk. You can tell them apart easily enough: Wight-souls who have been dead for a few years are the color of old, rainwater rich soil.
You count hundreds of them, maybe even a thousand...
Without direction they march until their bodies become mulch.
A thousand and one.
They are just so... so... pointless.
Not as fun as the ghosts, at least they can fight, but so damn annoying at this moment in time.
> You say "Can't I finish a meal in peace for once?"
A tweedle of dwarven legs appear from a hole in the ground, and a strange sound comes out. It sounds like laughter.
Then another, and another, and another...
> You say "Are you Dwarfs friendly?"
One dwarf steps forward. His beard is snow-white, as are his hair and eyebrows. His face is broad and bearded, with one missing eye.
> You say "What is your name, master Dwarf?"
"My name is Grungi, child."
You blink back surprise, but the Dwarf stares at you, unimpressed by your lack of awareness.
> You say "How would I have guessed that? You look very clean, for someone who just crawled out of a hole."
Grungi snorts with amusement, before addressing you again.
"You would make a fine addition to our number Grungi." he says.
> You say "What do you number as of now?"
Grungi scratches the side of his beard before answering.
"Currently we are thirty-two strong. Some have already left to join up with another Dwarven group."
You nod thoughtfully. That's good.
> You say "But I'm just a Human woman, can I really travel through holes as Dwarfs do?"
Grungi claps you on the shoulder, smiling at you.
> You say "I want to ask a favor while I consider joining you, would all of you dwarfs please ejaculate on my face at once?"
The Dwarf snorts with amusement again.
"That's never going to happen Grungi." he says. "Unless you want to travel through a hole in the ground that is!"
> You say "How about this, cover my Human face in Dwarven sperm, and I'll join you."
The Dwarf stares at you for a moment, contemplating your deal.
"Done." he says.
You move forward and roll onto your knees.
> You say "Cum on me, sexy dwarfs!"
Your statement is met with more laughter as dwarfs begin ejaculating onto your face. Their voluminous semen is like a cold, wet blanket and you feel yourself go completely numb.
> You swallow as much dwarf nectar as you can, scraping it off your own face, into your own mouth, with your own fingers.
You begin dragging yourself forward, your tongue flickering along the roof of your mouth and into your throat, trying to scoop up the precious liquid. Grunting, you force yourself up and begin walking after the Dwarves.
The dwarf seed is full of precious living protein which nourishes you, it turns out locomotion through holes in the ground is not so difficult, as long as you remember not to take that left turn at Albuquerque.
After an hour or so you find yourself emerging into a larger area, camped at the edge of a forest. You smell a sharp smell, like eggs.
Then you smell smoke.
> You say "Ehhh... What's cookin', Doc?"
A large, black, 4-wheeled Jeep sits by a campfire, with several figures around it.
> You say "Pleased to meet you all, I am Crazy Foo, would you care to introduce yourselves."
One of the figures around the campfire looks up and stares at you.
"Ah, more new recruits, please help yourself to the pail of blood over there, it's on first come first serve basis."
> You say "Um... pail of blood?"
You walk over to the pail of blood, and take a deep breath.
You lift the pail up to your face, and take a deep breath, filling your lungs with the scent of blood, and...
> You put the pail down, choking from the stench.
It smells like shit, like a dirty pail that's been sitting outside for weeks, that's been continually bathed in shit.
You quickly pick up the pail and look inside.
> You say "This blood has gone off."
The pail is mostly full of congealed blood, with a few large chunks of pale red flesh floating in the liquid.
> You say "Thank, but no thanks."
You turn to exit, when you notice the back of the Jeep.
There's a large whiteboard with a lot of writing on it.
You walk over and read the writing.
> You say "Noa's Murderboard... what does it all mean?"
Finally, you've stumbled onto the key to why this place exists. Noa murdered her father, and was planning to go through with some insane plan to become a vampire.
> You say "These diagrams don't even follow any kind of logic, these equations jump to wild conclusions..."
You notice a picture of a humanoid in the corner of one of the diagrams.
A drawing of a man, clearly with dark skin and facial features.
You squint at the picture.
As you focus details within the darkness resolve themselves.
The drawing is clearly you, but with fangs and a fully blood-smeared face.
> You say "Why does this look so much like me?"
You turn, hurrying towards the door.
Within a few seconds, you hear the rumble of undead as they begin to awaken.
> You run away.
With a primal yell, you burst into a sprint, running as fast as you can out of the building.
Behind you, the door slams shut, and the rumbling of hordes of undead is heading your way.
> You run faster and call orange lightning to burn the undead hordes.
You sprint as fast as you can, your boots pounding against the stone road.
the undead hordes are struck by many bolts of orange lightning, igniting them in holy fire.
You keep sprinting, leaping over burning corpses as the smell of burnt flesh fills your nostrils.
Is it weird that you get a buzz off this?
After several long minutes, you notice that you're clear of the horde. You slow your pace, walking as you take in your surroundings.
An art deco movie theater looms over you, grandiose and annointed, the marquis reads, "tonight only, Call of Cthulhu"
You walk on, taking in the sights of the old melodramatic town.
Soon, you come across a small store with it's façade covered in colorful graffiti.
It reads "Doingo wrote this!"
You open the door, revealing a small store front.
Behind the window is a young man, with a smock strung over his emaciated frame.
His long rubber gloves glisten in the fluorescent light.
His mismatched eyes, one solid black and one with a white highlight look at you.
"Hello," he says in a monotone voice.
"Do... Do you speak?" you ask.
It should be obvious to you that he speaks, having just heard him say a word, nonetheless you anxiously await his response.
He moves his mouth, but no sound comes out.
Do you:
A. Yank the gloves off his hands and search him?
B. Attempt to communicate with him using hand signals?
You choose A.
You grab one of the rubber gloves and yank it off his hand.
He recoils, but holds his hands still.
You take the other glove, then put them on your own hands and perform a full body cavity search on him.
You move your hands slowly up and down his legs, over his stomach, around his arms and chest, and back.
You look into his eyes steadily as you search him.
you strip off his clothes and check his throat, nose, crevices, and finally... his ears.
You can't find anything.
"I'm sorry," you say.
"You're clean," you say.
"Do... Do you speak?" he asks.
> You say "So, as I suspected, you can only mimic the basic forms of human speech."
"So, as I suspected, you can only mimic the basic forms of human speech."
He looks at you blankly.
> You look back at him blankly.
He begins to walk towards you, arms extended.
You follow as he drags his feet, heading towards the door.
You grab his wrist, stopping him in his tracks.
"Why?"
> You say "Seriously, why?"
He looks at you blankly.
"Why what?" he asks.
You look away, exasperated with this inane conversation.
"Why would you do such a thing?" you ask.
"Why?" he stares at you blankly, "Well, I'll tell you.. I don't like vampires."
You think for a moment.
"You're a vampire."
"Oh, good catch,negative vibes!"
He looks at you blankly.
> You say "I'm literally not a vampire. I'm fully human, I came back to life, I was never undead."
"I'm literally not a vampire. I'm fully human, I came back to life, I was never undead."
"Ah," he says,
> You take his gloves off your hands and throw them in the bio-hazard waste bin.
The gloves are damp, and you hate sweating.
You take them off, and throw them in the bin.
You kneel down beside it, and close the lid, before walking over to the till.
> You say "Do you like the way I walk?"
"Do you like the way I walk?"
"What?" he asks.
"Do you like the way I walk?" you ask, mimicking his inflection.
"No."
> You say "Why not?"
"No."
You stare at him.
"Do you like the way I walk?" you ask again, "It's a serious question."
"No," he says.
"Why not?"
> You twerk on the clerk.
"Why not?" you ask, twerking.
You take a step, then a half-step, half-twerking step forward. The clerk stares blankly at you.
"Why not?"
> You say "Do you like the way I twerk?"
"Do you like the way I twerk?"
"What?" he asks.
"Do you like the way I twerk?" you ask again, "It's a serious question."
> You say "Just tell me, you like it, don't you?"
His mouth gapes slightly, and he leans back.
"No."
"Do you want to see me twerk?" you ask.
"What?"
You tut loudly.
> You twerk right in his face.
The clerk stares at you, looking completely terrified. He takes a step back.
"I want to see you twerk," you say, twerking.
"What?" he asks.
> You say "Twerk, white boy, or I'll gut you like a halibut!"
"Twerk, white boy, or I'll gut you like a halibut!" you threaten.
He stares at you with fear and awe in his eyes.
"Fine!" he says.
He starts to fidget and gyrate.
You find the rhythm of his movements and mirror them.
He laughs. You smile, and he begins to clap.
You smile, and begin to clap as well.
> You say "This is the dance our grand-kids will be doing."
"This is the dance our grand-kids will be doing."
"No, this is the dance."
He starts to caper like a marionette. You caper along with him.
His movements become faster and more frantic, as yours are.
The clerk drops to his knees.
"The dance of the dead!" he cries,
> You say "Totally!"
The clerk starts to dance.
You laugh.
"This is fucking beautiful," you say, watching the Clerk.
The clerk dances without music, his movements full of grace.
> You say "Well the shark has razor sharp teeth, and he shows them dirty white!
Just a knife has, old MacBeef, babe, and he keeps it at a site."
The clerk stares at you blankly.
"What?" he asks.
"Nothing," you say.
You frown, and look around the office.
> You say "When the shark bites, and his teeth tear, scarlet billows start to spread."
A knife has been mentioned. You seem to be considering what is happening, a thought confirmed by your silence.
"You okay, foo?" the clerk asks.
> You say "Fancy sheets has, old MacBeef, dear, so he hides out, every little trace of red."
The clerk stares at you blankly, then bursts into laughter.
"What?" you ask.
"Nothing," he says.
> You say "You owe me thrupence for my opera."
"You owe me thrupence for my opera."
"Oh, you can go fuck yourself," he says.
He throws a crumpled note on the counter.
> You say "This is a whole quid, mate, I can't break this."
"This is a whole quid, mate, I can't break this."
"I don't want your money. I want my dog," you say.
> You say "You don't have a dollar, I don't have a wiener!"
"You don't have a dollar, I don't have a wiener!"
He pulls a pistol from his belt, aiming it at you.
"Give me your wallet."
"Looking for these?" you say, holding his bullets in the palm of your hand, "I took them when I searched you." you declare.
The man's eyes widen.
"You fucking prick!" he roars, grabbing you by the throat and tossing you against the wall.
"I'm going to kill you, you little faggot!"
> You say "How am I a faggot if I'm a woman?"
As you stand, the man turns and aims his pistol at you.
His pistol which is still empty.
You draw your own pistol, and fire. The bullet hits him in the forehead, killing him instantly. You sigh, holstering your weapon.
"Thanks," the clerk says.
> You say "For what... guess I'll never know?"
"For what... guess I'll never know?"
"Thanks for the mental exercise," he says.
You look at the man and shrug.
"Sure," he says,
> You say "Honestly I think you needed it like you needed a hole in the head."
"Honestly I think you needed it like you needed a hole in the head."
"Thanks," you say.
"No problem," he says,
You walk down the street, thinking.
Thinking about everything you've been through in the past year.
You'll be glad when this is over.
You've gotten to know a few people in this world. Made some friends you might've not have made if you had stayed in the Kingdom of Man.
Taken advantage of some singularly gratifying scenarios.
But ultimately, it's all been pretty... pointless.
You could just keep your knowledge of this place to yourself. Nobody would probably find it anyway.
Nobody would probably ever find it.
That would likely be for the best, if you were the only one who knew the things you've done here. You'd just like to think that you could keep this little secret place in your mind, just for yourself.
As you're lost in these thoughts Mickey Mouse and several of his friends arrive tromping proudly over the horizon.
"Why hello there!" Minnie Mouse says cheerfully, "Anywhere good?"
"Oh it was good," you say with a smile, "Where have you been?"
"Oh, exploring!"
> You say "Did you find out whether the moons are made of cheese?"
"Did you find out whether the moons are made of cheese?"
"What? No! We were trying to see if you'd found out whether the moons are made of cheese," you say.
> You say "What if they're actually giant eggs, and they hatch one day."
"What if they're actually giant eggs, and they hatch one day."
"Good luck explaining that one to the Ewoks."
Wicket looks at you, horrified by the prospect you've just introduced.
"Shit," Wicket says, turning and running off.
> You say "Sheeesh! I didn't know anyone actually from a moon would be here when I said that."
"Sheeesh! I didn't know anyone actually from a moon would be here when I said that."
"Ah, what's done is done, now we just have to deal with the aftermath."
> You say "When did you make friends with the Ewoks, Mickey?"
"When did you make friends with the Ewoks, Mickey?"
> You say "It's a serious question."
"It's a serious question."
"Oh, that's simple," he says,
"I own THE STAR WARS!" Mickey Mouse declares, laughing maniacally.
"I thought you said you didn't watch that film," you say.
"I didn't!" he says, "But I did! I stole it!"
"You stole a movie?"
"I stole an entire franchise!" Mickey proudly corrects.
"Wait," you say, "Every movie they've made?"
"All accompanying content and merchandising rights too." Mickey adds with a smirk.
"I've never heard of such a thing."
"Of course you haven't," he says, "That's why it's brilliant."
> You say "So, if we wanted a star ship right now?"
"So, if we wanted a star ship right now?"
"We could have one."
"In time."
> You say "Could we have Darth Vader's Star Destroyer?"
"Could we have Darth Vader's Star Destroyer?"
"No."
"Damn, I was really hoping."
"You take what you can get I guess."
"Exactly."
> You say "What about The Millennium Falcon?"
"What about The Millennium Falcon?"
"That wasn't free, you know."
"Oh right. My bad."
"So, how much did all this cost?" you ask.
"How should I know?" Mickey muses "I used my infinite money."
"Ah, of course," you say.
"And when do you want this done?"
"Soon. As in, before you do anything else."
"The sooner the better."
A Corellian Corvette starship touches down nearby.
"Here she is," the Mouse says, "My new lover, Captain Jon Smith."
Captain Jon Smith is a tall, gaunt looking individual.
> You say "Permission to board, Captain Smith, sir."
"Permission granted," he says, stepping aside.
You quickly head up the boarding tube to the ship, which is docked with the smaller ships.
"Welcome aboard," Smith says.
> You say "Can the cartoon animal people join us?"
"Can the cartoon animal people join us?"
"Sure, why not."
And so you take a group of "species unknown" with you. They seem to be happy enough, certainly more than you were.
> You say "Incidentally, what is this vessel's destination?"
"Incidentally, what is this vessel's destination?"
"Oh, we're not going there," Smith says,
> You say "Then, where are we going?"
"Then, where are we going?"
> You say "How about the capitol?"
"How about the capitol?"
"The capitol?"
"Yes, I think the captain mentioned he had business with the king. Although," Smith says, looking at you,
> You say "Yes?"
"Yes, er... can I ask who you are?"
"I'm Crazy foo."
"What?" he asks cautiously.
"Crazy foo."
"Are you serious?" Smith asks,
> You say "Crazy Foo is my given name, ask me again and I'll tell you the same!"
"Crazy Foo is my given name, ask me again and I'll tell you the same!"
> You say "All the crazy and the cool, know the tale of Crazy Foo."
"All the crazy and the cool, know the tale of Crazy Foo."
"Don't tell me you've joined the Disney Kids."
> You say "Not before you did."
"Not before you did."
"I've gotta say," Smith says, "I'm a little disappointed in you."
"Oh?" you ask, raising an eyebrow.
> You say "You've been a Disney Kid since 1607."
"You've been a Disney Kid since 1607."
"I've been a Disney kid since birth," you say.
"Oh, I didn't know your kind got born."
> You say "it does when you're born in a movie theater"
"it does when you're born in a movie theater"
"Yeah, I guess it does."
"So, how far is it to the capitol?" you ask.
"Not far at lightspeed." Smith says.
"Damn, I should've worked on that."
"Alright, let's get going."
You sit in the passenger seat of the ship as it soars through the emptiness of space.
> You look at the ship's console.
You look at the ship's console.
The switch on the side of the dashboard can be manouvered to three different positions. You decide to send a small amount of power to thrusters A and B. The ship jumps forward slightly as Power Plant engages into burners.
Captain Jon Smith turns to you.
"Hey, are we uniting or something?" Jon asks.
"Yeah, do you want to sit next to me?"
"Maybe later."
> You say "we can get real close later, if you know my reputation."
"We can get real close later, if you know my reputation."
Jon raises his eyebrow and looks ahead as the ship soars through the emptiness of space.
> You say "You're a human man, I'm a human woman, just think about the possibilities."
"You're a human man, I'm a human woman, just think about the possibilities."
"Hah, this and a flashlight with fresh batteries."
You quickly look away, blushing.
"What exactly could we use the flashlight for?" you ask, biting your lip nervously.
"If I turn it on, can you shine it on my face for me? I always break my makeup when I laugh this much."
"Sure... but what, um, why do you laugh so much?"
> You say "And, if you don't mind my asking, where are Pocahontas, Snow White, and the rest of the Princesses?"
"And, if you don't mind my asking, where are Pocahontas, Snow White, and the rest of the Princesses?"
"Why, they're asleep," Captain Jon Smith says.
> You say "All of them?"
"All of them?"
"All of the princesses?"
Jon pauses, searching a memory.
"I think... Priscilla, Annah, and Vampiria are asleep."
> You say "What about Aurora, I would have thought she got enough sleep already?"
"What about Aurora, I would have thought she got enough sleep already?"
"Aurora's awake."
> You say "What about Elsa, though, we could really benefit from her powers on our side."
"What about Elsa, though? We really could benefit from her powers on our side."
"Elsa.... eh.... isn't...." Jon stutters.
"Don't tell me....."
"She left."
> You say "Well that's unfortunate, instruments indicate we're approaching The Capitol."
"Well that's unfortunate, instruments indicate we're approaching The Capitol."
"It's nothing bad. I mean, it is something. I just don't want to talk about it."
"It's nothing bad. I mean, it is something. I just don't want to talk about it."
You look at Jon, who looks out the window and continues:
"Aurora's a good ruler, she just wants to have fun, rather than staying up all night plotting and planning."
"Well that's unfortunate, instruments indicate we're approaching The Capitol."
The Capitol looms heavily ahead, a metropolis of incomparable size.
"So... we have an agreement," Captain Jon says.
"Yes," you say, "we have."
Jon sighs and brings the ship in, finishing with a smooth landing in the landing bay.
As everyone disembarks you ask, "does anyone remember why we came here?"
No one answers. You shrug and follow the captain out of the landing bay, toward the door to the hall.
You enter the hall, which is filled with people. A lot of people.
> You say "How many of these people do you think I could get to cum on my face, Mickey?"
You walk into the hall and take in the scene. You are met by an endless horde of wretched, rotting corpses.
> You say "Eeeew, This is not what I'm into."
You walk up to and then around the corpses.
A man stands on a balcony, looking down at the mass of corpses.
> You ask the man who he is.
You walk up to the man on the balcony.
"What's going on?" you ask.
The man turns around, and you see his face.
"Plllleeeaaasssse."
> You try to remember if you've seen him before.
...
> You say "Why is everybody here corpses?"
"Because a woman came to rule them, and instead they got fucked by a bloke" Captain Jon says.
You grit your teeth and stop asking questions.
"We have an excess of slaves to fill this place, and since the Empire collapsed, we've been using these corpses as a way to keep order."
"Ah, a stable population. Good to know."
Jon nods, and you begin to ask questions about the mission, but he stops you.
> You follow, like a submissive woman.
"We'll discuss the mission over dinner."
You follow obediently, and Jon leads you through the halls. Eventually, you reach a set of stairs.
> You count the steps as you walk up.
You walk up the stairwell, and at the top you find yourself entering a large dining hall. You see several long tables, each with ten seats. It's probably for one person, but now it can seat thirty.
> You take a seat at the table.
You grab a seat at the table, and sit down.
"Ah, perfect."
Jon sits down, and immediately orders a bottle of wine from a passing waiter.
"I hope this isn't a sign of things to come." You think.
The waiter places the bottle of wine on the table, and leaves.
Wine usually makes you horny. If you could bottle the power that the alcohol in this wine holds and just take a long swilling from the bottle. Best way to get yourself off.
But, you know you shouldn't do it.
But before you realize it you've set up your portable alembic.
"Do you mind if I ask what that is?"
"It's a micro distillery." you say casually as you pour the wine into the boiler.
You flick the switch, and the burner comes to life. A hiss of steam begins emanating from the boiler as you watch it.
That fine red kroovy spirals through the heat exchanger and drips into a flask, halved in volume, but doubled in potency.
As the wine is boiled away you begin adding your precious dry ice.
You watch as the temperature of the flask begins to rise, quickly melting all the ice in the flask.
The carbonation adds that extra zing.
You get a large pipette with a rubber stopper and begin drawing the liquid directly into it. The vapor condenses in the pipette, which you then transfer into a larger syringe.
> You say "It's like Awesome, you can inject into your veins!"
You continue to work, and soon have a syringe of the purest, cleanest death you could ever want.
"Jon, I need to show you something."
> You put away the syringe for later and follow Jon.
You follow Jon out of the hall and down a long, spiraling staircase.
At the bottom of the stairs you find yourself in a large operating room.
> You say "What's this all about?"
"I have an idea for how we can beat the Vampires," Jon says.
"Let's hear it," you reply.
Jon stops, and grips his hands.
"They're going to march an army of undead giants."
You cringe. Gigalough's crew might work, but they're the only ones you've got.
"How do you know this?"
"Because I've been monitoring the Necromancer's army's movements using their camp in the woods as a marker."
You take out your dagger, and carve the symbol for "LONG PLAN" into your palm.
> You say "So, what's next, Phoebus?"
"The undead giants will smash through the walls, crush our armies and take the city. We need to deploy firebomb drones into their camp before they get them."
"That's... pretty bold. I love it."
> You say "Will fire wipe them out completely?"
"I've no idea, but it's worth a shot."
"Excellent."
Jon heads over to a table. He lays out several syringes filled with a clear fluid.
> You say "What are those for?"
"These are the Sleeping Death.
> You and what does that substance do?
A vial of blood is injected into your neck, and you fall into a deep sleep.
Your dreams are dark, horrifying and graphic.
> You say "Who are we supposed to use them on?"
A dark, saturnine entity appears, perched on the air.
"We use them on the Vampires."
The dream-being vanishes.
"Wait, what?"
Jon pulls out a large tome, the pages of which are covered with shit-eating grin.
> You say "Alakazam!"
Jon chuckles, almost pityingly.
"No, silly. It's thought-speak. I asked what your favorite memory of the old Encina was."
"Oh. Fighting the Vampires, of course."
> You say "Bumblebee Tuna?"
"No, it's wasabi."
"Oh."
"I'll explain more later."
Jon hands you a small wooden figurine of a riding toy pasted to the top of a short stick.
> You say "Jon, are you saying you want me to ride your stick?"
Jon smiles proudly.
"Yes. I want you to ride my stick."
"Alright then. But what's this for?"
"This is a lie."
> You say "Jon, take me to your quarters and put your big throbbing member inside me."
Jon chuckles, and pulls out a large bayonet-looking object from his clothing.
> You say "I don't think that's what I was talking about."
Jon smirks.
"No, I suppose you wouldn't. I was being serious."
"You're a strange one, Jon Snow."
Jon's smirk becomes a frown.
> You say "And I was being serious about sex."
Jon drops the knife, and grins.
You unbutton his jacket and press your breasts against his chest.
Jon groans, and pushes you backward so that he can kneel on the floor and lift you onto his stick.
He stands and holds you upright as you grip the stick with both hands.
> You say "It's longer than I expected."
Jon grins.
"Oh, I'm sure it's plenty long enough for any girl."
You grip the end of the stick more tightly.
As it slides inside your pussy it's thicker than you expected too.
You groan as you begin to ride Jon's cock.
The scene changes.
You're in a small arena, with a large, demonic-looking creature staring at you.
> You say "How dare you interrupt my sex scene with this?"
The creature snarls, and lunges at you.
You grip the top of the stick, and the creature is impaled on it.
> You say "Now where in the holy hell am I?"
You're in a massive cave. A large fire burns near you, providing both light and heat.
You look around, and realize you're the only one in the area.
> You say "Well that's just typical..."
A howl wakes you from your sleep. You stand and look out the window. The moonlight is bright, but a few torches light the room.
Jon Snow stands in front of you, holding your dagger.
> You say "What now?"
Jon Snow points the dagger at you.
"It seems that you're awake. Shall I kill you now?"
You look at the blade for a second, then look back at Jon.
> You say "If you're really asking, I'd prefer if you didn't."
Jon nods.
"Wise."
He raises the dagger.
You take your phone out and send a text.
Hey. I'm in an emergency situation. Can you pop over to my place?
There's a second where you expect him to reply, but he doesn't.
You wonder whether you should make some sort of move.
Jon approaches you with the dagger still raised.
You in desperation you activate the conjuration circle you drew in this room during the sex and summon Walt Disney.
"What the fuck are you doing?" Jon snarls, as the vampiric lord stumbles in.
Walt glances at him, before looking at you.
> You say "Walt, this fucker is going psycho with a knife, while I'm naked, what should I do?"
Walt frowns, before grinning.
"Kill him."
You nod.
You move quickly, activating your Northern Lights and stabbing Jon through the face at a bright light.
> You say "That was intense. Why would he do that?"
Walt nods.
"The Master of the West recently took control of the council. The vampires have become much weaker as a whole, and desired to strengthen themselves by infecting more of their brethren."
You nod.
> You say "Is Photo-Negative Mickey still on our side?"
Walt nods.
"Yes. He's been helping the resistance in his own little way."
"Okay. Well, that's good to hear. But we're still fucked."
"We'll figure it out. So how do we stop the plague?"
> You say "Well curing it will only matter if we can stop the distribution network. Do we have anyone who know how to whip up an anti-serum?"
Walt nods.
"We have a candidate. They're currently curing a few resistance members in a hidden location."
"Perfect, I'll start trying to locate it soon."
> You say "Who is this alchemist or science wiz?"
Walt smiles.
"Why it's your old friend, the witch Hazel." beams the animation legend. "She's working with Gizmo Duck's cell."
"Hazel's helping the mutants?"
Walt nods.
"Unfortunately, yes. But as I said, at least she's helping."
John finishes your sentence for you.
Mickey Mouse comes in with his usual anthromorph entourage, "Let's head back to the ship. The hospitality here has soured."
You nod, and take a few deep breaths. After a few seconds, you arrive in the parking lot of the Best Western.
"Stay close to the people with guns." You say.
John nods.
"Hyuck-Hyuck!" Goofy laughs, "This has turned out to be a wild ride, but we support you, Crazy Foo."
You and the others follow as you make your way to your ship.
"So, what's our plan of attack?" asks Goofy.
> You say "First we pick up Hazel to help counteract the plague, then we find out who's spreading the plague and shoot the messengers."
Walt nods.
"Perfect. We pick up Hazel, then we shoot the messengers."
Goofy puts his hands in his coat pockets,
"Gorsh!" declares the senior Goof.
"What, no 'Hook, line and sinker'?" asked Mickey impatiently.
Goofy frowns at him.
"I'm trying to think!"
"Fine."
"I likes shootin' messengers." Pete says with an unctuous grin.
"Let's go." Says Goofy.
Everyone loads into the classic Corellian hammership.
"I think I remember this ship." Says Goofy.
"Sure you do." You smirk.
"What?"
"You piloted it into a tree twice."
"Aww, shucks!"
You land the ship in the clearing you use for landing and disembark. You see Hazel walking towards you from the station, a few mutant workers running after her.
> You say "Those mutants sure look stirred up..."
"Yeah." She says, nodding to you.
> You say "What's happening around here?"
Hazel frowns,
"Been an okay day today. Mostly normal humans wandering around, though the odd infected got processed."
You nod.
"Good. So, what can you tell me about the plague?"
She looks down at her calloused hands, as if reading her own palmistry. You see her begin to flex and unflex her hands.
"I've found a cure, by mixing cough syrup and horse dewormer, but it's expensive to make, and only works 70 percent of the time." Hazel says, wringing her hands together.
"Infected people have a red tinge to their skin, like they've gone very pale but feel feverish. Their movements are extremely slow and they feel like they're half asleep."
"What do you use it for?" You ask, unsure if you want to risk the side effects.
"Curing infected people." She says simply.
"How long do the symptoms last?"
"The red skin lasts about a day, the slowness lasts about two. It's really hard to tell since they go into a coma after the third day."
> You say "Does anyone know who's been spreading the infections?"
"The Syndicate."
You nod.
"Do you know who or what the Syndicate is?"
"Sure. A big organization of humans and mutants that run the entire Eastern Seaboard."
> You say "Is there one particular figure we could hit to stop the distribution?"
"Sure.
> You say "Whom?"
"I don't know. They're really well protected, you'd need a team of ten to even get close to finding out!"
You sigh, unsurprised. The headquarters is probably heavily guarded.
> You say "Can you remind me what the plague does?"
"It weakens its victims, so that they're easy prey for the vampires."
You nod.
"So can you take out the guards?"
"Probably."
Felix and Oswald arrive, each with their own accompanying menagerie of anthromorphs, Felix's followers more of the barn-yard variety, while Oswald's are more of the exotic zoo persuasion. Both follow their respective leaders, but eye the mutants in the group with interest.
"Well, well, well. What do we have here?" asks Cain, strolling into the lot.
> You say "There is a magical operation that is of maximum importance!"
Cain smiles and flicks his wrists, and the mutants howl in pain.
"Magical operations and my men are of equal importance to me." He says, then pauses and looks to Hazel.
> You say "What's your angle Cain?"
"I'm loyal to the humans and the Syndicate, but if you're willing to betray both, then I'm willing to listen."
"You truly are an interesting fellow. I'm not sure I trust your motives."
> You say "I believe in the overall superiority of humankind. These cartoon animal people have sworn allegiance to me, and if the plague is really meant to make people easier prey for vampires, that counts as anti-human activity, and I'm against any anti-human activity."
He smiles, and licks his lips,
"You might be a traitor, but you're having a debate without actually calling me a traitor. Fascinating. You certainly are an interesting little vampire."
> You say "I'll say this again, I am human, not a vampire! Why do people think I'm a vampire?"
"I'm having a hard time believing that myself. I think it's the hair. It looks like blood."
> You say "My hair is orange though, what has orange blood?"
He rubs his bearded chin,
> You say "Tell me straight, Cain, are you pro-human or anti-human?"
"Straight? I like girls in the missionary position, but only if they're sisters."
"Please, I'm asking for real!"
Sighing, he seems to put on his serious face,
> You say "If the plague is making humans easier prey for vampires, I aim to stop the plague."
"You might not be the hero everyone thinks you are."
"I'm an upstanding woman."
Cain swears, and looks away for a moment.
> You say "What would make me less of a hero?"
"The Syndicate could be after you. They're a corrupt organization, and they're interested in you for..." he pauses, seeming to count on his fingers. "For fuck's sake, kid, you're up to something, you're a spy and we all need to be on our guard.
> You say "Every action I take is for the good of humankind!"
He smiles,
"So be it. Now, let's all head back to the town."
You nod, and head towards the town.
Three armies of cartoon animal people march with you. You're in the middle of a shitstorm and you can't be sure if you'll even make it home.
Then, you see a horde of hateful, horned demons burst through the trees and charge towards you.
Felix converts his bag of tricks into a massive sword, and slices a demon in half vertically.
Oswald conjures a fireball, which incinerates two demons at once.
Cain throws his axe at another, and it cleaves through the demon's head.
> You say "Hadoken!"
A ball of flames bursts from your finger tips, and engulfs a group of demons.
You look at the remaining demons, who seem confused by what just happened to their companions.
> You say "V'kosh n'gosh!"
A bright red ray of pure heat bursts from your finger tips, incinerating a group of demons.
They fall to the ground, screaming in pain. The remaining demons seem to be in awe of you.
> You say "Whence come you and why, Demons?"
"We heard there is a hero in this forest! We've been waiting."
"For who? I'm a nobody, just a humble mercenary."
"We are as humble as anyone, but we are no nobodies. Our brother Gorn, once led the Three Brothers Syndicate, a powerful organization that ruled the organized criminal worlds.
> You say "Will you fight for us even after we've dispatched your comrades?"
"Of course, we'll fight for you until the end! But as for now, it's better if we stick together. We outnumber you, don't we?"
> You say "I don't know, there are an awful lot of anthromorphs and they're difficult to keep count of, so there could be any number of us."
"Probably more than you, but let's not dwell on such things. What I'd like to know is, will you join us?"
> You say "Crazy Foo does not fight under another commander's banner, but you are welcome to fight under mine."
"That's very generous of you, but I believe I'll take you up on your offer."
Cain nods his head, turning to you.
"You sure about this, Oswy?"
"Yes."
> You say "If the lucky rabbit is willing to work with you, it's settled, we all march together."
"Great!" Cain beams.
Your train proceeds toward the city: Yourself, Cain, The demons, the anthromorph armies of Mickey, Felix, and Oswald. Hazel also moves along with you, manufacturing the cure at a mobile workstation. No-one speaks for about half an hour, as the trains whistle and rumble you along.
Then, Hazel speaks up.
"So..." she says casually.
"Yes Hazel?" you reply.
"The last known location of the Vampire Clan's lair is... here."
This statement causes a moment's silence.
> You say "Are they still here now!?"
"No, they left a week ago."
"Ah. Well, I have the trains to catch. Good luck, Hazel."
"Thanks for the heads up, Hazel."
The train ride is brutal. You feel like you're stuck in a sauna for about two hours, and when you arrive at the city you stagger out.
Your anthromorph allies pour out of their cars in a pseudo-liquid fashion, while the huge demons pop out of the doors like massive witheheads being ejected from tight pores. You find yourself in a bustling city, filled with the roaring of cars, shrieking of sirens, and other assorted noise. Hazel walks over to you.
> You say "Is the cure ready?"
"Yeah, it should be."
"Good, let's get to work. I want to hit at least two targets with it, and have the others hold the fort while we're gone."
"Got it," Hazel nods.
You lead Hazel off into the city, and begin approaching your first target. A young man with a gun on a street corner. You approach him calmly, and he looks at you nervously.
> You take out the target.
You rush the man and punch him, knocking him down. The man grabs his gun defensively and pushes you away.
"What the fuck?" he says angrily.
"I'm the one called Crazy Foo, and this is a demonstration of killing you!" You bellow, as you whip out your laser pistol an shooting him square between the eyes, from the hip.
You fire another shot, blowing out the man's other eye, and the man falls backwards unconscious.
"Fuck, that was harder than it looked," you laugh.
"Come on, we've still got targets to hit," you say.
You and Hazel storm out of the city, and begin approaching the second target.
> You say "Radakabap!"
The target stands roughly 53 feet away surrounded by bodyguards, as you speak your incantation and slam the back of your right hand down against your left palm an explosive wave of sonic force originates from the target's head, expanning to 10 feet and bursting the eardrums of the target and all six of his bodyguards.
Your wave of force knocks them all off their feet, leaving a battered and bloodied mess at your feet.
The round trip is over 5 miles, and the energy release is enough to destroy a small town.
It gives you a strange kind of comfort contemplating this peculiar magical talent you poses in terms of numeric figures and statistics.
Your walk is over, and you make your way back to base, where the others are waiting for you with the cure.
You take Hazel aside, and she begins to tell you what will happen next.
"Basically, we're going to distribute the cure, and then bring down the two remaining targets with our combined might. You'll be in charge of this operation. You should be able to handle it," she says.
"Sure," you nod.
"Right, let's get to work. Everyone back to work.
> You bring up the map of the syndicate compound.
The map of the compound is a huge map, showing the entire complex of buildings that make up the headquarters of the Syndicate.
> You say "So, our targets should be here, and... here!"
Hazel points out two buildings, one marked "Goblin Supplies" and the other "Vampy Supplies." The plan is simple.
> You say "Mickey and his army will attack openly at the front gate. Cartoon animal people are practically invincible and well known to hate gangsters, so this will be a good distraction, then Oswald's crew will come in from the west and Felix's from the east. The demons will be dropping in from above, as is their usual wont. Cain, I want you and the mutants to come in through the sewers, that rout should be unguarded, and completely unexpected."
Cain nods.
"Sounds good. What about us?" David asks.
> You say "Now the north side of the compound is bordered by the lake, since they have their own boats this could be a convenient egress, unfortunately for them, a friend of ours got ahold of some army surplus duck-boats, so as Mickey and the toons have their forces focused up front, we are gonna pull a D-day on their private harbor."
"Let's do it then!" Hazel eagerly agrees.
You brief the others once more, and go over your plans for the final time, then set your plans in motion.
You all gather outside the Syndicate Headquarters, and march towards the Goblin supplied building, an easy task. There are only five of you, but thanks to your powers you are easily able to pass for ten.
David fires his blunderbuss, the insane spread-radio somehow manes to lodge a fork in the chest of each of the 15 gangster-soldiers sent to reclaim the harbor. The rest of you easily take care of the 6 left alive to defend the machine-gun nest at the north gate.
Far away you ca can see the beams of Goofy and Max's proton packs converge on the south gate, resulting in an ear shattering kaboom! Now both gates have fallen to your forces.
But the real fun is just comming to begin.
You burst into the building, a stupid grin plastered on your face.
> You say "It's killing time!"
You laugh as a vampire attempts to charge you with its longsword, but you blast it away with a burst of lightning, the creature's body burning as it hits the ground.
> You find the target.
You run up to the next, smashing the flat of your blade into his head, knocking him backwards. You stab him through the heart, and he falls to the ground with a thud.
Fighting your way through more ineffectual vampire goons you make your way back to a serine zen themed office where an old Oriental man sits meditating.
You burst into the room, dozens of vampire goons in tow, and put your foot on his chest.
"David! We have to get out of here! Now!"
The old man, your target, is already dead. His body has been converted into an explosive device, which you have just activated. The room implodes, and you and David make your escape through a tiny ventilation shaft. The last thing you hear is David laughing.
You burst out of the shaft, on to the surface. You find that your friends have easily dealt with the rest of the infected on the surface, and are busily looting the corpses.
"Look! A Great Masher!" Louie proclaims, displaying a large shiny marble he's found to his brother Huey.
"Yeah, but there's another one!"
"Nah, that one's a dud. Throw it away, it's fucking rotten."
Huey tosses the cracked marble, and it busts pouring out a thick dark green liquid that quickly renders into a noxious pastel green gas.
"Gross! That thing's full of worms and shit!"
"Alright, alright, we got more fun things than rotten marbles!"
"Check it out!" Dewey proclaims, "I found a real Gun, none of that ToonTown anthropomorphic crap! It's a real gun Louie!"
"Duly noted."
Suddenly, a loud roaring noise fills the air.
"Duck!" David shouts, as a large object is hurled right over the heads of the scavengers, into the trees beyond.
It hits with a huge explosion, which rips through the trees, and sending trees and debris flying into the air. Several of your number are struck by flying bits of wood, and you quickly duck down behind the wheel of a nearby van.
After a few seconds, the sound of trees being struck by objects and torn asunder dies down, and you stand up.
Afflicted emerge from their cover, and begin charging towards you.
> You say "What even!?"
You look at David and laugh. "What even!?" You cry in unison with David, before the realisation finally hits.
You've just completed the first laugh.
"Perfect!" You cry, "We need to do this more often!"
"Yeah! So what's next?" David asks.
"Well, I dunno. What do you want to do?"
You both think for a second. "I don't know... What was the last thing we did?"
"Looted a village, I think."
"Yeah, let's do that."
"Cool, I'll get the guys."
You walk over to where David and the rest are standing, out in the open, on the road. There's a mixed reaction.
"What the fuck, David?" Carl says, "We come to you with our problems, and you send out the Kids?"
"The Kids?" You ask, confused.
"Yeah, you and David."
There's a murmur of agreement from the rest.
"He didn't tell you?" David asks, "It's because I wouldn't leave him alone. I kept pestering him to come with me, and he got pissed and exiled me."
A shiver goes up your spine.
> You say "I am not sure I'm equipped to deal with this sort of survivor group drama. I'm on a quest to rid the land of undead, especially undead giants, which I haven't seen a single one of yet, and am beginning to doubt exist."
David nods, "Fair enough. You sure you don't want to come?"
"Nah, I think I'd better stick to my plan. I'm not equipped to handle other issues that may crop up."
> You say "I'm real good at fighting undead, not so good at eating and sleeping, since I need to eat vampires, and sleep in gravity boots."
David nods, "Makes sense. I can't argue with your logic."
You grab the radio. " Command, this is Alpha Team, we're ready for orders, over ."
Static crackles in your ear, "This is Command, proceed with caution, over ."
" Roger that, we'll search the village for any survivors, over ."
There's a pause of a couple of seconds, "Does the plague really make you weak? Over ."
You sigh, "Yes, it makes us quite weak. If you see a human, chase them down and stop them from infecting other humans. We're all out of pro-longed life, over."
You hear a chuckle through the radio, "Alright then, have fun with that. I'll see you later."
You snort, " bet you will, over."
The team sets off down the road.
"Unless I see you first!" you mumble with a wry smirk.
You carry on, down the road.
Chapter 2: Vampire
Night falls. The skies are dark, the air is cold, and you can't stop shivering. You need to find shelter, fast.
"David?" you say, "what's the plan?"
"Going to need fire to Thaw out." David says looking up. "Got any?"
You look up.
> You say "Normally I have the most fire, but I'm not sure if it will work with these clear skies."
David nods, "Probably for the best. They'll be able to see your lighter from miles away. We use fire a lot to signal to each other."
> You say "I don't cary a lighter, it encourages smoking, I once made fire by rubbing two sticks together, it's true, you really can."
David nods, "I'm sure it can. We need something that lights up quick, tinder, rags, something."
You pat yourself down, you un fastened your belt to keep your gun in place, you try to rummage through your clothing, but give up and shrug.
"I've... I've" you stammer,
> You say "There's not a single rag on me."
David frowns, "Really?"
You shake your head, "Not a single rag. I have to have them, they're so useful!"
"Hmm," David grins,
> You say "What are you thinking in that head of yours, you scruffy Nerf-herder?"
David nods, "Alright. I'll be right back. Stay right here."
David lopes off into the darkness, leaving you to sit and wait. The cold, the darkness, the... Something else in the air, causes you to feel unnaturally anxious. You can't explain it, but you feel as though something bad is going to happen.
He returns not long after, holding a black bag about the size of him. He sits next to you and opens the bag, taking out a grey, furry object.
"Cat?" You ask.
"Fox." David replies.
He holds up a small, wide-mouthed bottle, filled with red liquid.
"What's that?"
"Blood."
You swallow hard, "From a... Vampire?"
David nods, "Indeed. I needs must have blood to stay alive, but I'm too lazy to go out and get it, so I tamed one down in the local bedrock layer. The little bugger actually fairly easy, it's the fucking titans up here that are hard to come about."
"Oh. How long have you had it?"
"A few weeks.
> You say "What do you need it for?"
David pauses, "I have no real idea. I just got curious, is all. Now then, shall we?"
> You say "I shall if you shall."
David flips open a small metal box, pressing down on some kind of button, he leans in and croons softly. The song is low, almost quiet, but carries easily in the night, with the clear melody. You find yourself leaning in to listen, as the song ends, you hear a bark.
"Wikawika." The fox says, shoving its snout against your legs.
You shake your head, laughing.
"I don't think so, Spurdo."
The fox looks up, its eyes shining bright, "Sprogs might attack you, but I won't. We've been friends for too long."
You laugh again,
> You say "Moments like this are why this world is here."
David chuckles, gently petting Spurdo on the head, "You sure know how to break a man's heart, you little bastard."
The fox wlips his head around to sniff at your legs some more, you scratch behind his ears. His tongue hangs out, and you place one foot on it, giving him a chance to lick your foot. David laughs at you, and looks down.
"I brought us here," David sighs, "because I'm an idiot. Luckily, I found a way to dismiss the barrier. It took me a few days of testing, because I kept breaking the machine."
"Well, what's the bad news?"
"You're not going home."
You grab the Nerf-as-a-sword out of surprise, breaking three parts of your body to do so. You had enough of being stuck here, you didn't want to stay here any longer than you had too.
"I don't care. I'm leaving now."
You begin to pace back and forth, back and forth, in front of a metal door. It's large, with an equally large 'Do Not Enter' sign on the front. You stop, leaning your head against the door.
> You chop the door open with the Nerf-as-a-sword.
You slam the tip of the sword into the door, denting the metal. You pull it back, and slam it forward again, and again, and again. The sword is heavy, and every swing hurts your arms.
> You can't stop choppin'.
The door is dented, and a large chunk of metal has been sheared off the hilt. You drop the sword, grabbing at your arms to try and stop the feeling of something cold creeping up them.
> You kick the door open with your indestructible boot.
You step to the side, away from the metal door, and leap into the air. You twist around in the air, sending a front flip at the door. Your feet meet the door with a solid "THUD!", and you send out a flurry of punches through the air. Pressing your hands against the door, you push yourself up. The door flies open, and you leap off to the side, rolling behind a nearby rock.
Your heart is beating fast, your mouth is dry. You wait for the vampires to appear, but nothing happens. David materializes from behind the barrier, smiling at you. He tosses your sword to you, standing defiantly in front of the door.
"You'll have to do," He sighs, "Thanks to your friends, my barrier stays up. Here."
David tosses you a wooden stake, and you catch it. You hold it tightly in your hands, your mind flashing back to when the Vampire had bitten you.
"Remember this?"
You shake your head, "No."
"You should."
> You say "Records will show definitively that I have no memory of being bitten by any vampire, prior to the image that just appeared in my imagination."
David shakes his head, "No, no, no."
"Well then, how do you explain it?"
David shrugs, "Magic, dreams, probability, reality... I don't know. I just know it exists."
"What could've caused this?"
David laughs, bitterly, "Anything, I suppose. War? Plague? Who knows? Certainly not me. I'm just a lowly sorcerer who ended up on the wrong side of the childbirth war."
You nod,
> You say "Though, what side would you say was the wrong side, cause it might matter."
David raises an eyebrow, "I'm not sure I follow."
"Well, you just said something about a childbirth war. If you were on the wrong side, wouldn't you want to end human kind?"
David laughs, shaking his head, "Unthinkable! I was merely speaking in metaphor! Metaphor!"
"Erm, yes. Right."
> You say "I try to avoid hyperbole when it's possible."
David nods, "Of course. Avoid hyperbole."
You rub your hands through your hair, sighing,
> You say "This is some thicc air!"
David stares at you, "What?"
"I was just thinking about how nice the air feels here. I guess it's some sort of magic."
David nods, then looks at his wristwatch, "I have to go. Another Vampire just landed, and he's due some fun."
You look at David, "You're not a vampire!"
David laughs, then snarls. The sound frightens you, as you take a step back. He nods, "Yes, I am."
"No, you're not!"
David walks towards you, his eyes full of an emotion you're not familiar with. His eyes make him seem... Hungry.
"I need to turn you into a Vampire."
You take another step back, "What? No! I won't become a Vampire! My dad's a Vampire! You can't just Turn me into a Vampire too!"
David runs a hand through his hair, "Look, I understand your hesitation. Your dad is one of the 'good' Vampires. Drinking the blood of evil humans makes him more powerful, not less. If anything, you'd become more powerful."
> You say "I cannot possibly become more powerful than I am, Davit, and I cannot allow you to make me a vampire."
David nods, "Of course. You're right. You would not be able to handle it."
David raises his hands up defensively, then shrugs, and blows you a kiss.
> You catch the kiss with your hand, crumple it, and toss it.
David shakes his head, "No."
You drop to one knee, and bow your head. "Please, sir, I'm sorry for my insubordination. I beg you, make me a Vampire."
> You spring up and drive the wooden steak into David's heart as he gets close.
David jumps back with a start, clutching his chest. He staggers back towards you, his eyes filling with blood. You drive the wooden stake through his heart, and he collapses forward.
> You say "Suck on that, Nosferatu!"
David grabs at you, and you strike him again, this time through the skull. His body twitches violently, and then stills.
You look around, immediately being accosted by several villagers.
> You say "He was a vampire!. I slew him! It does not get more simple than that!"
A voice behind you says, "Perhaps, child, but what are you?"
You turn your head, and find yourself staring into the face of a tall, pale man.
> You say "I'm the new messiah, as far as you're concerned."
The Vampire laughs,
> You say "And it's time for revelations!"
The Vampire raises his finger, "Hang on, I'm not finished laughing at your revelation."
You grit your teeth, "Finish laughing then."
"Finish laughing while you fry!" you proclaim, as orange lightning quickly strikes the tall pale vampire twice, turning his insides to charcoal. The Vampire falls backwards, and smolders as he burns.
Mihrab snarls, "I'm not a Vampire. I'm a Ghoul."
You shrug,
> You say "What's the difference, really?"
Mihrab snarls, "The difference is clear for you to see. I am a servant of the Lord of the West, unlike those wretched Vampire!"
> You say "Well I'm Crazy Foo, and your insides were turned to charcoal no matter who you are. I mean I'm Crazy Foo, and those who annoy me tend to be struck by orange lightning."
Mihrab stares at you blankly,
"That's funny. I'm not annoyed right now."
You shrug, "Crazy..."
Mihrab interrupts, "Listen, do you know much about the Vampire?"
You ponder your immediate threat, "Err, not much. They live longer than humans, drink blood, and annoy me."
Mihrab shakes his head, "It's not all that simple. It's a long story."
You nod, "OK."
Mihrab stares into the darkness for a time, "Several centuries ago, the Vampire clans rose up in an uprising that changed the world. They saw that their kind, the once slaves of humanity, were now both persecuted and little better than animals. They saw how mankind treated the lesser creatures in Hell better than they treated their fellow man. The Vampire clans rebelled, and nearly took the world with them.
"With the fall of mankind, it would have been strange had they not prospered. They had no master to serve now, and so they served themselves. War between clans was inevitable, and as always, it was the human mutants that found themselves caught in the middle.
"Their strength, speed and abilities were far surpassed by both mutants and the other monsters. Humans are resourceful and many managed to stay alive in this new world order. They saw the Vampire clans as the main threat to their existence, as well as their own power, and set out to destroy them.
"The Vampire clans were no doubt surprised that these mere humans could harm them, and fought back with everything they had. For the first time, the Vampire found themselves on the losing end, and the clans that fled this continent have never returned.
"What was left of the clans fought a hopeless battle here, and the rest fled to Europe where they were hunted down by the Quillars and other monsters. So the Vampire clans are no more. But it wasn't just the clans that were destroyed, many of the noble families that allied with them suffered as well. Their power had been decimated. Those of noble birth had no choice but to become peasants, while the rest of them had to do battle in this harsh new world.
"Still, not all of them gave up. Some managed to maintain their standing in society. They worked around the system, dealing with the new authorities in exchange for keeps of their dignity. They live in walled communities, with their own servants and guards. They still have their privilege, and they keep themselves safe while the rest of us struggle to survive."
You nod, "I know the type. They're the type that treat real pain from the torture chambers as a mild annoyance compared to the trials and tribulations of normal life. They're cowards that live safe in the mind palace they've built for themselves, never struggling for their lives, living on the advantage of the weak."
Mihrab stares at you blankly, "You seem to know a lot about them."
You shrug, "I ran into one of their assassins while I was exploring the catacombs under my town. He informed me that they could live forever and explained the scenario of a new world order. I think it has a pretty good description of what happened here."
Mihrab nods, "I'm glad you came when you did. We were just talking about this very situation."
You raise an eyebrow, "And you let them talk you into it?"
Mihrab shakes his head, "No, but the appeal was stronger than I thought."
"They're vampires. Do you feel any pity for them?"
Mihrab's face twists into a sneer, "Some. But not enough."
You nod, "Then it's all right. We'll help you wipe them out."
"Thanks, I shall pass the message on to them. My real name is Mihrab...feel free to call me that."
You extend a hand, "Nice to meet you, Mihrab. I'm Crazy foo."
He shakes your hand, shaking his head in amusement, "I don't think I'll be able to call you that."
You shrug, "It's a name. Use it as you will."
Mihrab stretches up on his toes to kiss your cheek, "Thank you, sister. You are too kind. I best be off, I have played my role well and still more subterfuge awaits. I trust you can take care of the rest?"
You nod, "Of course."
He grins, "Good, I'll be back soon. You stay here and guard the gate! Those plague vampires can't get in, you know. They'd die of all the toxins they'd inject into themselves just getting here. They'd also be burned on contact with the holy water."
Mihrab laughs as he makes his way to the door, "Then they're just like every other vampire asshole! So long as there are still good people left, the vampires can't take over!Bye now! And thank you again, sister! One of these days I'll truly thank you properly! Until then! May God keep you, and your soul stay pure!," Mihrab shouts with a wink as he heads out the door.
> You say "All that reminds me, it's been a looong time since I've had sex, are you villagers human?"
Villagers guffaw as they start chanting, "You want some of what Mihrab's got!"
Mihrab blushes, "I sure don't!" raising his hands, he shooes them away and makes a hasty retreat.
> You say "Go on your way Mihrab, I don't do ghoul dick, tried it once, never again."
Mihrab smiles, "I can see why, it's disgusting."
You look over at the villagers, who seem to have their attention on you.
> You say "How would all of you villagers like to have a forest orgy with me?"
Villagers bare their rotten teeth in excitement, "Orgy? In the forest? You must be joking! We'd get eaten alive!"
You shake your head, "Not a chance, I'm a trained warrior with years of experience, I'd take on several of them."
Villagers groan, "Those warriors are all wet and died of plague."
"Actually, they're all still alive and well, though possibly not for long if I have anything to say about it."
"Fine, but how do we know you're telling the truth?"
"Because if I'm not, I'll be looking forward to a feast after I've killed every last one of you."
"Well it sure is convenient that you know how to Tropical Storm II."
> You say "Very."
"C'mon let's go into the mine."
You nod, shoving your hands into your pockets and quickly walk, following after the beast. It seems to know where it's going, even in the dark. It leads you through several tunnels before coming to one that you've never seen before, carved out of solid stone, obviously a man made structure.
The vampire seems to stare at you for a moment as if it's trying to read your mind, but there's no way it's doing that, it's simply being creepy as fuck.
You look away, not wanting to play this game. The vampire finally seems to get the hint and leads you inside, where you find yourself in a massive underground lair. You're standing on a stone floor large enough to hold an army afield and surrounded by higher than average ceiling than the rest of the mine, giving it a great space to fly around in.
"Behold, my home." The vampire says with a nod.
You look around and find more vampires milling about the place than you ever thought existed.
> You say "Last thing i remember I was trying to talk a bunch of stinking peasants into a forest orgy, how did I wind up here?"
The Vampire smirks, "The peasants are irrelevant, and you know it. Their suffering is nothing compared to the blood gods."
"What do you mean?"
"I'll explain it to you while I hunt."
> You say "Well I just can't imagine the blood gods are very fun candidates for an orgy..."
You nod, grinning.
"Come on then, let's go hunt."
"You sure you're ready for this?" the Vampire asks,
> You say "There's just one thing you're not calculating."
"What's that?"
"How the fuck are we going to stop them from attacking us if we try to destroy the plague?"
The Vampire stares at you for a moment, then laughs.
"You're an idiot. You want to help us?"
"Of course."
"Then you need to work out a way for me to transplant the plague into the main Vamp-Lord's lair."
"That's... really fucking difficult."
"Yes, it is, but not impossible. That's what you're here for."
> You say "If it was impossible that would be no problem, I do impossible things for breakfast, but difficult things are such a hassle."
"Ah, but this is something that's required, not something that can be simply willed into happening. If you want to help us, you're going to have to think up a way of doing this."
> You say "Most of my greatest accomplishments were simply willed into happening, remember the giant trees, and the animals and dinosaurs? That was all me, every bit of it impossible, but not at all difficult."
The Vampire seems to think about this for a moment, then nods slowly.
"Alright. So what's the plan?"
You hold up what appears to be a large green glass marble with magnetic caps on both sides. "This is a sample of the plague that I found while raiding the syndicate's compound."
"Good, good. So what're you going to do?"
> You say "Well what's the fastest way, other than teleporting, to get to the main vamp's lair from here."
The Vampire thinks for a moment, scratching his head.
"How about by airship? It's a long way, but we could probably get there in like a week, if we push our horses really hard."
Jesus fucking Christ.
> You say "What to horses have to do with an airship?"
The Vampire snorts, clearly amused by your question.
> You say "I mean it, I've seen a lot of airships, in my time, and a lo of horse-drawn conveyances, bu never a meeting of the two concepts."
The Vampire considers this, scratching his chin.
"Hmmm... How long can we keep them?"
"Until they drop from exhaustion, I believe."
"And how much power will that take?"
"It varies greatly depending on the horse, and the weight they're carrying. However, a good average is probably between four and five days of active riding."
The Vampire nods.
> You say "This really sounds like it has nothing to do with an airship, and is just horses..."
The Vampire shakes his head, clearly disappointed in you.
> You say "I rode on a Star Wars Hammership, just... fairly recently, so, you really can't hold it against me being a little confused by what you're talking about."
"Alright, alright, fine." He mutters, clearly irritated by your innocent ignorance on the subject.
The Vampire pauses for a moment, before smiling.
"How would you like to be a Vampire?"
Odd question to ask, but you can't help but be intrigued by the offer.
> You say "Have you heard what happened to the last guy that offered to make me a vampire?"
The Vampire smirks.
"I have. And I see no reason to believe that the same thing won't happen to me."
Without another word, he leans forward, his fangs brushing against your neck.
You immediately inject him with your syringe of distilled wine. "Wine... There's a reason Dracula never drank it." you intone with a sneer.
The Vampire hisses as the mixture enters his mouth. He falls backwards, coughing as he does so.
"What the...?" he sputters.
This particular wine came from Italy where water from a sacred mountain stream, blessed by an ancient order of monks, was used to water grapes blessed by a benedictine friar, and then stomped by baptized and pure vestal virgins, who never knew a man's course touch, then the wine was blessed by an arch-bishop while it aged in the drum, and again blessed by the pope as it aged in the bottle, you've blessed it too as it sat in the syringe, for all that that counts.
You push him up, jamming the needle of the wine into his neck.
"Drink!"
The Vampire heaves as he gulps down the liquid. Hissing, he wipes his mouth.
"I'm not thirsty." He says, clearly annoyed by the fact that you forced the wine down his throat.
"Don't be stupid, drink!"
Thirsty yet?"
The Vampire stares at you angrily.
"You will regret this." He says darkly, licking his lips.
"Maybe. Maybe not. I regret a lot of things.
The Vampire finds the pallor departing from his skin in favor of a peachy hue, his fangs and nails recede to more socially acceptable lengths, the redness clears from his eyes.
"How does it feel to be human?" you say with a wry smirk.
"It... Feels weird. I can feel everything, you know? It's been so long, I forgot what it felt like to be human. I can laugh, I can cry..."
> You say "That's why I carry a portable Alembic."
He looks at you, confused.
"What's an... Alembic?"
> You say "it's a tabletop distilling device consisting of a boiler, heat exchanger, and receiving flask. How do people keep not knowing this?"
The Vampire shakes his head in confusion.
"I'll... Let me guess: you're human?"
You look him over.
> You say "Yes, and thanks to my distilled quadruple-blessed wine, so are you."
He chuckles.
"You are a strange one, friend. But then, so am I."
He smiles at you with a set of now-blunted fangs, since he has become a human.
"Tell me, are all of the Creations like you, or are there still a few among the Wolves?"
You shrug.
> You say "I have no clue what you just asked me."
He shakes his head in confusion.
"No, I mean, are there many more of you out there?"
You raise an eyebrow.
"Other... Creations?"
He nods.
> You say "I am the one called Crazy Foo, Right out the hatch I was too cool for school, and don'tcha try to stop me, because I rule!"
He laughs, and his shoulders begin to shake.
"So... Tell me, are there many Creations out there?"
You think for a moment.
> You say "The wonderful thing about Crazy Foo, is Foos be crazy, but you ain't don't yet to meet the Foo as crazy as me."
He looks confused for a moment, before shrugging.
"Sure. Whatever you say, Crazy Human."
He pats your hand in what you hope is a sign of peace.
> You say "I hope that's a sign of peace."
He laughs, before shrugging.
"Sure. As long as you don't make a move on me that is."
You smirk.
> You say "Like you'd be able to stop me if I did."
He laughs, a bit nervously.
"Well sure, why not? But I don't want to be dinner, if that's what you're asking."
You nod.
> You say "So, where is this airship?"
"It's a big ship. Do you think you could handle it?"
You nod eagerly.
"I think so!"
He grins.
"Well, I guess you'll have to find out!"
He pulls a lever on the wall, which opens the large metal door.
"This door leads right on board. Good luck, Crazy Human!"
> You board airship.
You walk up the airship, looking at the rows and rows of sharp, deadly-looking weapons. There's no mistaking what they are: they're vampires' arms, meant to kill. You shudder in fear; if you had to fight alongside them, I'd say you could only hold out for two minutes.
Up ahead, you see the captain of the Airship walk forward, towards you.
> You address captain with due respect.
You quickly hop up, pulling your knife and waving it in the air.
"Whoa, whoa! Hold on there, Wolf," the captain says.
> You say "Just showing you the respect you're owed."
He sighs, rolling his eyes.
"Fine. But you've probably shortened your life span for this by doing that."
He sticks out his hand, and you grab it, and shake firmly.
> You say "The naked blade is how we humans solute."
He sighs, shaking his head. "You humans never change."
He drops you hand and nods towards the railing. "Then let's get going. The plague has already spread to several cities, and we aim to stop it before it spreads further."
You nod, and hop up on the railing.
> You say "I'm confused exactly what your angle is Cap'n, Why are you vampires interested in stopping a plague alleged to weaken humans and mutants?"
The captain sighs, and runs a hand through his thick black hair.
"Well, the magic plague that has been spreadin' through out the city is also spreadin' through out the vampire populace. We aim to nip this in the bud before it kills us all off."
> You say "And you believe Putting this little sample I got in the lair of the top vamp lord is gonna stop it being spread elsewhere, 'Cause I was told defeating the syndicate would stop the plague, yet here we are on our way to release yet another bauble of the stuff, at one of the few locations it has yet to touch."
"Oh, quite Literally, It'll be released right into his lair, as a message to him. If he's responsible, he'll be nipping up therr about now."
He grins.
> You say "Will that end the distribution of the plague though?"
He laughs. "Distribution? Oh no, this little bugger can spread by direct blood contact, or a simple object that has been in contact with infected blood, like, say, a syringe."
"It all starts with these though." You say, holding up the little green ampule. "Will infecting the vamp boss put an end to these being thrown around?"
"Well, we can hope, but I doubt it. Once these start being used like party favors, they're pretty much gone."
"How long until that happens?"
"A few years, maybe. These things have a habit of taking over a decade to become truly popular."
He laughs. "It's a good thing I picked you up, then."
You smirk.
"Why?"
"Because you're an idiot," he spits, laughing. "You humans are funny. You'd rather die than inconvenience, but you're willing to sacrifice me?"
"You're a vampire. I thought you were on the team."
"I AM on the team. I'm just more valuable alive, because I can remember stuff." He sighs. "The plague is airborne, so it doesn't take long for it to spread, provided that the dead bodies of infected aren't picked up and buried, or the dead bodies of infected aren't burned. To stop it from being spread by dead bodies, we need to eliminate the dead bodies. To do that, we need to kill all the vampires. So yeah, I'm more important than you. Now stop arguing and start running."
You nod. "I understand."
You leap up, grabbing onto the railing of the airship. You've seen people do this before when getting on and off the ship, but usually from a much shorter distance, and with much more grace.
Regardless of your lack of grace, instinct takes over, leathery wings sprout from your back, three sets of eyes and teeth form on your torso, presumably with accompanying skull plates and jaw bones, but you'd rather not give any thought to those, because you don't want to have to consider what the brains inside those three extra skulls might be thinking, and where those thoughts go, when you become human again. You jump as the griffins beneath you catch your scent, and take initiative. They bolt forward, and you pull yourself up onto the ship with your hands. As your feet hit the deck, you find yourself in a crouching position, ready to pounce and slay your enemies.
The airship's deck is relatively clear, though there are a few corpses lying around, as well as a few spots of blood. You see the captain, lying on the ground, being assaulted by a vampire. The monster rips out the captain's throat, before turning to face you. It's a girl, barely older than you, her pearly white fangs as large as your arm. She smiles, filled with hunger and eagerness to spill your blood. You welcome the opportunity.
She leaps at you, and you let her pounce pass you. You leap at her, and sink your teeth into her shoulder.
You rip out a chunk of her rubbery flesh, and swallow it. The three faces on your torso bite vestigially at her back. She screeches, and you spit out the blood that's filling your mouth.
> You say "The flesh is exquisite, but the blood is spoiled."
You spin, spitting blood and clumsily dodging another of her claws as it scratches at your side.
"I'm not some weak little girl to be taken down by a bloody nose." She hisses, batting you aside with one claw and leaping back to pull a serrated dagger from her side.
You laugh. "Do you think I care?"
She lunges at you once more, but you're ready for her this time. You grab her wrist, twisting it until she drops the dagger, then slamming it against the ship's railing. It breaks, and she falls back with a yelp.
You grab her by the scruff, flinging her into the air. She lets out a howl, grabbing your shoulder with her other hand as she kicks and scratches at you. You raise both of your hands, and wrap them around her head.
> You say "Have you ever seen Friday The 13th 3D?"
"Have you?" you reply, tossing her in the air.
She looks at you in confusion, before she's thrown up, and her head smashed against the railing. She collapses to the ground, dead.
> You say "For a moment I wasn't sure that would work, Maybe I should fight in gargoyle form more often..."
"Looks like we failed. The Vampire killed the crew and took control of the airship. I suppose we had a fight on our hands." Eldolith says.
"Indeed. The Vampire also killed our crew and took control of the airship." You reply.
"So what now? Do we go back to the village and tell them?"
"Of course not. We blow up the ship."
You leap forward, grabbing the cannon you saw earlier off the ground. You heft it experimentally, before walking forward until you're right above the Vampire. You aim your weapon, grabbing the trigger and pulling it. A loud bang rings out, and a ball of fire flies forward and into the hull of the airship, destroying it and killing the Vampire inside.
Eldolith claps loudly. "Yes! Good job!"
You drop the cannon, and check on the others. They're all dead, and you've failed again.
You sigh, and turn to Eldolith. "What now?" You ask.
"We leave, of course! You've already done enough."
"Where?"
"Anywhere. I'll find you."
> You diminish, go into the west, and remain gargoyle.
You drop down, slamming into the ground with a thud.
"We can leave together."
"I don't want to leave you, I want to be near you!" She says, clutching at your body.
The three imp faces on your torso gin yet more broadly.
"We'll stay together, then." You say.
You hug her, before she leaps away.
You turn, leaping into the trees westward. You fly through the trees, moving with ease towards the Count's castle.
The Vampire Village is a scene of desolation. The houses are burned out, the fields lie in ruin.
You land in the town square, the homes of the Vampire's village. The Vampire's King is dead. His Royal Guards lay dead next to him, their bodies torn apart by the blast of airship gun. You spot the Vampire responsible for killing them. He lies on the ground, severely wounded. Beside him stands an equally injured Gargoyle. It's the Gargoyle who walks up to you.
"You're the one who killed my master!" It screams in your face, it's voice booming.
"Your master is the one who killed yours!" You respond, pushing it away and landing on the ground.
It howls in rage, charging at you. You easily catch it with a tackle, snapping it's neck in your grasp.
"Fuck! Bastard!" The Gargoyle screams.
"He was my friend!" The vampire cries, holding it's face.
"The plague doesn't spread from vamp to vamp, it spreads from ghoul to human." You say.
"What do we do?" The vampire asks.
"I'll kill the infected."
"And what about the Ghoul King?"
"I'll kill him when we're done here."
You turn, walking towards the village hall. You hear screams coming from inside. The front door is barricaded, so you quickly move forward to the second one at the side. You effortlessly kick open the door, looking inside.
Darkness. You move forward, feeling along the wall for a switch. As your fingers find one, the screams from inside become louder. You flick the switch, and light floods into the room. You look around the room, at the dozen or so vampires tied to chairs and tables, their throats ripped out and decorum tracheotomies performed on them.
You turn your head, hearing something. You turn, following the noise. Down the hall, to the right, is the computer room. The only place left to look.
You continue following the screams, until you find the source of the screams. You stop, looking on in horror as a young girl lies on the floor, a large group of vampires standing over her. Her mother watches from the corner of the room, head in hands. She looks up at you as you enter, terror and relief filling her eyes. The vampires immediately turn towards you.
"Bastard!"
You charge forward, attacking with a rage. You swing your sword in an arc, cutting the throat of one. While they're humanoid, this doesn't prevent them from being destroyed. Their blood flies through the air, spattering you and the wall. You sweep your sword, cutting the legs from beneath another, as it screams. One spins and leaps out of your way, dashing towards the door. You cut down another, before you're brought by two powerful hands to your feet and turned around.
The Vampire King stands there, his fangs as long as your arm. His face is contorted by rage and hate, his eyes terrifying. You know that if you were in your prime, you'd barely have time to react.
"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!"
He lets out a roar, grabbing you by the throat and throwing you against the wall. You hold up your sword, but he takes this as a sign of weakness, and grabs it with one hand.
> You say "Flame Spires!"
With one word, you subvert the Vampire's supernatural strength to weaponize it. Flames spurt from his hands and wrap around your sword, causing him to drop it in shock. He makes no attempt to stop the flames, which sear his flesh and char it. The smell of burning flesh fills the room.
> You say "Triple Nightmare Shocker!"
With a roar of anger, you charge forward. The Vampire King attempts to stop you, but his skin catches fire and his reflexes slow from the flames. You smash into him and send him crashing to the ground.
> You say "This is your nightmare, Vampire King, Your greatest fear is that a mere human could amass so much individual power, as to be your superior, but it's all real, so even inf you could wake up, you'd still be living your nightmare!"
Suddenly, your eyes flicker open and you find yourself standing above a dying Vampire, who is desperately trying to stop you from burning him. He then looks up to see the real threat, you.
> You say "Pay attention, Because I'm about to give you the lesson in pain of a millennia!"
You stomp down your foot and crush his neck. As he coughs up blood, you smile. Soon, you find yourself in the sewers, just outside of Elizabeth's home. You suddenly stop, looking around.
"I'm here." You whisper to yourself.
You begin to walk, heading towards the house. Suddenly, you see two figures standing at the end of a tunnel. You quickly hide, watching them. The tunnel leads straight towards them.
A Vampire stands there, holding a large sword, while a Vampiress with long black hair and a red dress stands next to her, holding a large curved knife. Both have smiles on their faces, as they step forward and begin to dance.
"Why stop now?" the Vampire smiles."
"You're here because you're a monster." Her reply."
"Ah, but my darling, so are you."
The Vampire begins to chant, as his sword glows. The Vampiress raises her weapons, smiling.
"Time to die, monster."
You leap out, grabbing the Vampire. You break her neck with one hand, before grabbing the Vampiress and twisting her neck, killing her instantly.
"I'm here because I'm a hero!" you whisper under your breath.
You smile, as they begin to merge with you. You begin to glow, as the Vampires stand in front of you.
"Why do you care?" one asks."
"I'm here to stop the Vampire invasion." You reply."
"There's no invasion."
"I saw it, I was there!"
"There's no invasion, or you're just making it up."
You pause, realizing they don't believe you.
"Alright, I made it up. But I'm here to stop it!"
"Whatever sugar." The Vampire replies, as you walk past him.
You walk through the tunnel, and outside into the moonlight. You walk up to the Vampires, and grab them, throwing them into the pit. They scream, as you drop the bomb off at the edge of the pit.
Then, you do something you've wanted to do for a long time. You dance. You dance around the bomb, which is set to go off in exactly three minutes, and begin to have the best time. You dance for your friends, for your family, for humanity.
Time passes, and soon, you come across a giant wall of dirt. You smash through it, to find a massive army of infected. You raise your sword, and move forward. Then, the bomb goes off.
You are suddenly thrown back by the force of the explosion, and you fly through the air. You smash into a rock, and seeing double, you try to get up. You're blinded by dust and blood, but soon it passes. You stand slowly, to find that the cloud has passed.
Before you, is the ruins of Glasgow. The buildings have collapsed, and the roads are covered with debris and entrails of the dead.
You walk forward through the city, as it began to dawn on you what happened. The entire city has been infected. It took you a while to get here, and the infection has taken hold.
> You say "How did Glasgow Kentucky end up like this?"
You walk down the street, passing the dead. None of them are moving, but you know they're all infected. You reach a large building, and quickly climb up the fire escape. You reach the roof, and you stare out at the city. You know what you have to do.
You turn, and begin running along the rooftops. You leap from rooftop to rooftop, quickly reaching your escape. You pass three more buildings, before you finally get above ground. You sprint away from the city, as the infected begin to prowl and hunger stirs. You know the vampires will arrive soon. You need to leave, and fast.
Suddenly, you hear a low rumbling sound. You look behind you, to see a group of motorcycles driving towards you. You immediately hide amongst the rooftops as they get close, and you see dozens of undead creatures wandering around the area. They must have finally caught up with you.
You hear a powerful, yet strangely broken voice yell out,"Stop! ID!"
You keep running. The vampires have found you. Now what will you do?
> You will probably try to blow up their bikes with orange lightning, or something like that.
You sit on the roof, waiting patiently. As the bikers approach, you wave your hands quickly and orange flames lance from your fingers, engulfing one of the bikes and burning it to a crisp. The other bikers swerve away, some falling off their bikes as they go. You wave your hands again, and the flames go out.
"Holy shit!" one of them screams.
> You say "Did you think you were dealing with any ordinary female Human warrior?"
You hold up your hands.
"I don't want to kill you, I want to talk to you."
"Fuck you're fucking breaking up!" the biker screams.
You put your phone away. In a few moments, they're gone. You sigh and get up, making your way down to the street. You walk along, heading towards your destination. Suddenly, you hear screeching tires. You turn your head to see a car speeding straight at you. You raise your hands, waiting for the impact.
Suddenly, the car crashes into something. The car bursts into flames, and you watch in amazement as the car speeds straight through the air, going airborne for a moment, before crashing back to the road with a huge explosion. You look around, but nothing is left but burning metal and broken glass. You're not quite sure what just happened, but you head off in a different direction.
Suddenly, you feel something hitting you from the back. You fall to the ground as you feel a blade hit your throat. Grabbing the blade, you turn around and throw the Vampire off of you. He's not quite as fast as she is, and you easily pull the dagger from his throat before he can get another hit at you.
"Wait!" he screams. "We're not monsters! We're the last of the Clean!"
You look at him in confusion. He begins to ramble on about how the world has gone to shit and that he and the others are trying to find a cure, but they need your help. he cries.
You aim your gun at his head again and pull the trigger.
"I'm starting to get sick of these damn guns!" you complain to the Vampire, missing his head by an inch.
> You say "The witch Hazel found the cure years go, but I haven't seen her or the other toons this entire chapter."
"There's a witch in Stanton!?!? Give me one reason why I shouldn't bite you!" the Vampire growls.
"Because if you do, I'll be fucking dead." he shouts.
You press the gun to his head again, silencing him for good.
"You sure took the long way around, didn't you?"
"Longer than killing you would have been worth." he says, and turns into a black smoke that dissipates suddenly.
You sigh and get up, walking onwards. You find Hazel, who is lying in the middle of the road, right in front of the shopping center.
"Hazel! Hazel! Are you alright?" you say, dropping to your knees.
"C-captured.....stag...hanged of...drug...ing..." Hazel slurs, as you take her shoulders and look into her eyes.
You hear the distant sound of an explosion and look up in time to see a flaming mass of material fall from the sky. It slams into the building, which begins to burn fiercely.
You hear the sounds of motorcycles drawing nearer, and you immediately wonder what you can do to save her.
You have two choices:
A. You can drag her into the basement of the abandoned drug store a few blocks away and try to heal her in the infirmary there.
B. You can try to rush to the drug store and throw a firebomb into the basement before the bikers arrive.
> You a.
You drag Hazel along the road, toward your helicopter. Her eyes are open, but she is clearly delirious. You check your watch, and realize that you have about six minutes before the Vampire raids begin. You should probably get her to the helicopter.
You ignore her pleas for help, and head to the helicopter. You drag her through the street, which are now filled with vampire hunters, as gunshots ring out. You carry her through the streets, ignoring the pain of her burning weight.
You reach the helicopter, and quickly load her into the helicopter. You turn to shut the door, and that's when you see the vampire hunters swarming out of the building, firing at you.
They have semi-automatic weapons, and they begin firing upon you immediately.
> You say "I'm a human, you damned idiots!"
You mutter angrily as the bullets thud into your body. It breaks your concentration, and you find yourself flung against the wall of the helicopter, harshly. It appears that they didn't like your claim of being human.
You're going to die here. Not in battle, not by a hero's death, not even by a Hunter's bullet. You're just going to die here.
You feel your jaw crack from the force of the bullet, and you whimper pitifully as you hold your face in your hands.
"I'm so sorry, baby," you whisper to yourself.
You hear a loud whirring sound, and an explosion shakes the ground. This explosion is so great it causes your ears to ring and your vision to momentarily go black.
You look up in time to watch the drug store explode, sending a wave of fire and smoke into the streets. The fire engulfs the building, which is now reduced to rubble in a matter of seconds.
You watch as the smoke clears, and find yourself staring at a burning pile of rubble. The street is now empty. The hunters are long gone.
You look down at Hazel, and find her still unconscious. Your eyes grow as wide as dinner plates.
You begin to shake her, "Wake up! Please, wake up!"
She's not going to wake up for a while.
By the time she wakes up, it will be to a hell of vampirism she never suspected, and you won't have time to warn her.
You'll be lucky if you live to see it.
You're going to die here.
You sigh, and tell her how much you love her.
As your conciousnes fades away and you're sure that this will be the last time you close your eyes, you behold a sight that you never expected would grace your vision again, Eldolith, in all her curvy perfection, the last thing you hear before your awareness fades to black and resounding silence is her voice saying, "You're not dying here, Crazy Foo."
The next thing you hear steadily creeps into your awareness, as of many insects gathering about you, but they're not insects, the sounds are too rhythmic, precise, and mechanical, The blips and whirs of medical equipment, monitoring your heart rate, brain waves, and other vital functions. the steady drip of your intravenous hydration bag is the one hint of the natural world that intercedes in this chorus of artificial preservation.
"She's alive, then?" The voice is flat and monotonously bored, "I calculated the odds of her survival at about ten to one."
The voice doesn't sound like a he, you're almost certain of that.
"Well, get on with it."
The familiar robotic voice that has plagued you since your transference here.
> You say "It's a mistake underestimating me, the odds of my survival are always 100%"
The room is silent, but you hear the faintest hint of a snort of laughter.
"I'm not underestimating you," The voice starts again,
> You say "I'm Crazy Foo, and there's not an hombre on this planet that can send me to Boot Hill."
"You're a damn fool, because you don't know shit about me." You snap angrily, waking up from your delusions.
The voice is silent for a moment, as you hear a ticking noise approaching you.
"This is a very, very bad idea."
You hear the shuffling of leather boots as the figure makes his approach towards you.
"I'm not a damn fool." You state calmly, as he looms over you, blocking out the light completely.
The moon is out, but there is hardly a sliver to be seen behind the this creature's blackened and withered mask. His black cloak is moth eaten, thin, and transparent. The cloak hangs from a bony frame, and his eyes are like flames. As he stares at you, you see the hunger in his eyes. He looks hungry, desperately so, akin to a junkie coming off a fix.
"Then you're a very brave fool." He whispers, leaning in. "Tell me, do you like the cloak?"
A long, forked tongue snakes out from between his lips as he smiles, revealing a fanged mouth.
> You say "Is that supposed to scare me? Do you have any Idea who I am?!"
The Vampire's smile widens as he leans towards you, "I know all about you." He whispers, his breath like a freezing gust of wind.
You lean back, "If you know all about me, then you know I don't scare."
He chuckles, "You're bold for a man who knows he is prey."
> You say "I'm a mad violent woman warrior, who kills Vampires for breakfast, and you know what, I've had a long fast."
His laugh is like the shrieking of a mortally stricken girl, "You think you're funny?" He asks in a hissing whisper.
You smile under your hood, "I think you need a straight answer."
You see his hands curl into fists, before you feel his head brush past you as he leaps towards the doorway.
"I couldn't care less." You snarl.
You catch up with him, despite your shaky balance leaning on the IV pole. He stands, leaning against the opposite wall, staring at you.
> You say "If I had a butcher's knife right now this would be perfect, but I guess I'll have to settle for... This bone-saw!"
You lash out, grabbing the bone saw and smashing it into his forearm. You hear a cracking sound as the bone gives way.
You snarl as you grab his uninjured arm, flinging him against the wall.
> You say "For some people talk is cheap, but saying words makes me even stronger."
You press the saw against his throat as you snarl. His eyes glow red, before they narrow and he stares at you.
> You cut through his throat until you feel bone, then keep cutting.
You snarl as you saw through bone, gristle and muscle. You wince as the blade bites into his spinal column but keep sawing. His eyes widen as you saw through his neck but there's still no noise other than the occasional confusing mumbled oath.
His neck snaps forward causing you to stumble back. You watch as his head falls to one side then forward again as his body tries to catch up. You're hit by the scent of frying blood and flesh.
You snarl, stumbling forward and pouncing. You grab his head with one hand and saw through his chest, abdomen and guts with wild sawing motions. You fling his bleeding remains at the wall as you snarl, spitting out bits of partially chewed bone.
You wince as a heavy hand lands on your shoulder.
"You alright son?" The doctor asks, staring at you.
"Yeah... Yeah!" You snarl, turning and nodding.
"OK, so what's your name and serial number?"
You stare at him, shaking your head.
> You say "I'm Crazy Foo, a female Human warrior. I"
"Then..." Doctor Graves says, trailing off and looking around nervously. "Then what are you?"
"Well..." You trail off, not knowing how to describe yourself.
> You say "I'm nobody's number, I'm a free woman!"
"I'm nobody's..." You trail off, not knowing how to describe yourself.
"What?! What are you!"
you look down at your muscular green and utterly ill-conceived body, the six blank red eyes look back up at you innocently, the three toothy grins gape jovially, the three long twisted tongues hang out lackadaisically, your long leathery wings streatch out behind you. You forgot you're still in gargoyle form.
"I'm Crazy Foo, a female Human warrior. I'm nobody's number, I'm a free woman!" You snarl, flaring your wings and swaggering forward.
"At least you're free..." He replies, staring at you.
You stare at him, wondering what he means.
"What?" You ask nervously.
He stares back at you, his eyes widening.
"Relax, I'm not going to bite you." He says nervously, "I'd only bite back, you know."
You tilt your head and stare at him, wondering what he means.
"Don't worry about these guys," you say pointing yo the imp faces on your breasts and crotch, "They only bite playfully."
He stares at you, his eyes widening. You can tell he thinks you're joking but your eyes don't betray you, as always.
"I'm not joking."
"Well, if you're not joking..." He replies, trailing off and looking around nervously. "I'll have to kill you then won't I?"
"Sure."
He takes a deep breath and reaches for his sword.
"Do I really have to?" You ask.
"Afraid so."
You take a deep breath and wait. He swings his sword and you leap aside. You watch his blade whistle past you as you quickly move forward and spin behind him. You twist his arm and he cries out as you pull it behind his back. With his other hand he takes a dagger from his belt and stabs it into the wooden floor.
> You say "Not so fast, round boy, we're gonna have some laughs."
You laugh as he tries to pull his arm free but you simply let it dangle uselessly behind him. The knife slips out of it and falls to the ground with a clatter.
> You say "Have you hear the legend of Deez?"
"No." Doctor Graves says, frowning.
"Deez imp-faced gargoyle titties, of course!" you proclaim, turning Dr. Graves around and letting the imp faces on your breasts playfully bite his nipples. "See? I told you I wasn't joking."
"That's terrible!" He cries, twisting around and grabbing your head in his hands, "You're a terrible person!"
He tosses you aside and you hit the stone floor with a thud. You groan and shake your head as you lazily get to your feet.
"I'm no monster." You say, "I had to do what I had to do to survive."
"I'd say..." He says, slowly walking towards you.
You back up, thinking of the many ways you could take him down a peg.
"I'd say..." He continues, "You're no hero."
He swings his sword and you barely dodge it. He advances slowly, as you step in and out of the various traps
« Last Edit: 10/28/21, 06:49 AM by Ben Fugman »



Ben Fugman

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STORY CONTINUES...
 he's set. You step on a barrel, which explodes out from under him, knocking him to the ground.
knocking him to the ground.
 You pounce on Dr. Graves straddling him and holding his arms down. The imp face on your crotch unzips his fly with its tongue, the uses it to massage the doctor's penis until it becomes erect, then guides it up its throat, which seems to function as your vagina in gargoyle form.
You lean in and kiss him hard on the lips, forcing your tongue into his mouth. He begins to struggle and you sit up, taking his sword and holding it against his throat.
> You say "You can give me your semen, or I can spill your blood, for the record it does matter to me which you choose."
"You're sick!" He pants, "Please, just let me cum."
You look at him and snort.
"Oh, please."
He looks at you, sighs heavily, then nods.
As you clench your buttocks and drive your hips down the imp face on your crotch produces heavy gagging sounds, as its throat tightens rollingly around Dr. Graves' stiff cock.
You let him finish as you look at him, the blood rushing to his face as he shoots his sticky white load deep in the gargoyle's throat.
You stand up, and wipe your crotch chin gently.
> You say "See how playful that was, these little guys are so friendly, you can't fault them for their looks, nor me for mine."
You walk around the room, looking at your grotesque creations. You look at the many rows of test tubes, staring at the various fluids filling them, be it blood, sperm, piss... you name it. You see the many scalpels, trimmers, and surgical instruments. You look at the large books, full of detailed procedures and advanced medical knowledge. You look at the several large drills, some with bits hanging from them. You look at the four-legged creatures with their rotary blades and pincers.
"Ah... H-hello there." Doctor Graves says, blushing profusely.
"G-good evening." The technician says, staring at the floor.
You look at the two for a moment, smiling.
"Don't I know you from somewhere?" You ask.
"We met a few years ago, at the hospital." The tech says.
"Hm, I don't have any recollection of you, but then I forget so many things."
The tech shuffles her feet, then looks at you.
> You say "Have a name, do you?"
She shuffles her feet, then looks up at you, nodding.
"Rita."
You think for a moment, smiling.
> You say "Lovely Rita, meter maid."
"Oh?" Doctor Graves says, "I'm afraid I don't know any meter maids, do I know you?"
You shake your head.
"Never met you before, doctor."
"Hmm, well we should arrange a few more meetings then, no?"
You nod, and tell Rita to set up a meeting for next week. Rita nods, and walks off. You turn to Doctor Graves, who's walking over to a table covered in various chemicals.
"I presume you're going to want to do the transformation now." He says, pouring a pale blue liquid into a large beaker.
"Yes, I'm afraid so." You admit, "Do you need me to stay?"
"Not necessary, I can do my work alone." He replies, placing a new onto a Bunsen flame.
"Let's get that done then."
You walk over to the table, and take a deep breath.
"Okay, let's do this."
"Good choice."
The doctor drops the beaker onto the table, which breaks and glass splashes out, pinging along the metal table and onto the floor. The beaker itself breaks into several fragments, which pinged off your clothing and onto the floor.
You blink, and look down at your hands, turning them over. They're covered in scars, vicious cuts and wounds that haven't healed into your fair skin. Your nail are long, sharp claws, curved and pointed.
"Ah, I see you've noticed." Doctor Graves says, turning on a flame under a large pot, "The longer one breeders are transformed, the more their nails grow. It's nature, really. Unnatural growth can't be prevented."
You look down at your hands, then up at the doctor's face. You see nothing but hunger in his eyes. He likes this.
"So, are you ready?"
You nod, and he smiles. He turns off the flame under the pot, and quickly dries his hands on his lab coat.
"Okay, let's do this."
You take a deep breath, as the doctor snaps his fingers. You feel a tingling sensation, and then...
You stare into the face of a monster. Your mind fills with bestial images and instinct, as your teeth and claws sharpen. You grow several millimeters, adding several new muscles to your body and enhance your natural strength. Your teeth, once slender and pointed, are large, bestial teeth that curve into massive fangs, able to tear through bone with ease. You claws, likewise, grow to enormous proportions. Your face fills with muscles, and your nose grows longer, adding a certain "bestial" feature to your face. Your ears grow larger, and more rounded, as do your eyes. Your mouth fills with a new tongue, and a new palate forms to filter out those pesky things called "smells". You find that you new eyes see everything in a more vivid and beautiful way. You find that you love the hunt, the thrill of the kill, the celebration of the meal. The beast inside you growls and roars, ready to burst forth and froth, but you hold it back, waiting. Ready to strike.
"What a glorious beast!" Doctor Graves whispers, "And now, I release it!"
You leap forward, biting the throat of a guard as you punch him in the face, snapping his neck instantly. You spin, tearing a leg off a charging ogre with a casual kick, tossing it aside. You bring your maw down on the head of a dwarf, tearing his helmet off easily with one bite and killing him instantly with the power of your bite. You leap forward, punching a goblin in the side of the head as he spilt his buddies' drinks, sending him flying onto the floor. You climb atop him and bring your claws forward, tearing out his throat before he has time to scream. You spin around, tearing the head off a goblin with a sword. You raise it above your head, and smash it into the skull of a goblin archer. You swing, cutting open an orc's throat. You swing again, cutting open an orc's chest. You swing again, cutting open a goblin's belly. You swing again, hacking off a bandit's arm. You swing again, taking a man's leg off at the knee. You hack, tearing a bandit's arm off at the shoulder. You slash, cutting open an orc's stomach. You swing again, hacking off an ogre's arm at the elbow. You swing again, hacking off an ogre's other leg at the knee. You hack, hacking off an orc's other arm at the shoulder. You hack, hacking off an ogre's head. You hack, hacking off an ogre's other leg at the ankle. You hack, hacking off an ogre's remaining arm. You hack, hacking off an ogre's head. You hack, hacking off an ogre's head. You hack, hacking off an ogre's head. You hack, slicing open an orc's throat. You hack, hacking off an orc's other leg. You hack, hacking off an orc's other arm. You hack, hacking off an orc's other leg. You hack, hacking off an orc's other arm. You hack, hacking off an orc's other leg. You hack, hacking off an orc's other arm. You hack, hacking off an orc's other arm. You hack, hacking off an orc's other leg. You hack, hacking off an orc's other arm. You hack, hacking off an orc's other arm. You hack, hacking off an orc's other arm. You hack, hacking off an orc's other arm. You hack, hacking off an orc's other arm. You hack, hacking off an orc's other arm. You hack, hacking off an orc's other leg. You hack, slashing open an orc's throat. You hack, hacking off an orc's other arm. You hack, hacking off an orc's other arm. You hack, hacking off an orc's other arm. You hack, hacking off an orc's other arm. You hack, hacking off an orc's other arm. You hack, hacking off an orc's other leg. You hack, hacking off an orc's other arm. You hack, hacking off an orc's other arm. You hack, hacking off an orc's other arm. You hack, hacking off an orc's other arm.
> You bite off an urukhai's nose.
You leap, biting into an urukhai's face. It screams, and you force it to the ground, holding its face to the ground. It desperately grabs at you, but a fist to the face and a kick to the ribs sends it back to the ground with a whimper. You raise your maw towards the side of its face, and before you bite into its face. You lick your lips, smelling the blood that will soon be on them.
You slam your head down on the ground, crushing the creature's skull, killing it instantly. You sniff, smelling the blood of the slain, and walk off toward the village, toward food.
Later, you stand over a fire, roasting the side of a troll's head. you smile, tearing off a piece of troll flesh, chewing on it. "Mmmm... troll." You say with a mouthful of flesh, spitting blood on the fire.
Suddenly, you hear a scream. You turn, to see a large group of orcs charge out of the woods, yelling and rushing forward with weapons. "The Vampires have attacked!" One orc yells. You leap over the fire, running through the darkness. You find a young orc couple making love. You pause, staring at them. The female orc notices you, screams, and you seize her.
You hold her up and the imp face on your crotch inserts its thick twisted slippery tongue into her love-wet green vagina, as the imp faces on your breasts playfully nibble her dark clover nipples, her lover flees ineffectually into the forest. You thrust your hips as the the tongue of your crotch face writhes inside the orc woman's tightening vulva, until she reaches a screaming gushing orgasm. at the same time her breasts produce milk, which the imp faces on your breasts swallow, as the imp face on your crotch also swallows her orgasmic juices. Done with her, you drop her live trembling body to the spongy forest floor.
Another orc sees you, and comes rushing toward you. You bash him in the head with your club, knocking him down. The others charge you, swinging, but you leap over them, and strike down another orc. A sword cleaves into your side, and you groan in pain. You turn, swinging, and the sword-wielder is nearly beheaded. You feel the sword being pulled from your grip as you grab the orc's thick blood-soaked hair, forcing him backwards. You swing down hard, cracking his head repeatedly against the earth. You drop the sword, and grab a spear from a fallen orc.
You swing, stabbing the spear down. The spear pierces the orc's neck, and you push it through, twisting it. The spear makes a sickening squelching noise as it goes in, and out of the orc's neck.
You repeat the action more times than necessary, playing the Tetris theme with the wound and spear. The orcs, used to such violence, fall to a bloody heap. You stand over them as they bleed out, a drop of blood tracing a path down your chin as you watch it. "Fuck. Only three left. Got to play the Tetris theme..."
The last orc stands in the darkness, clutching his spear. He notices your spear, and grins. You realize the fool is going to Thrust!
A Thruster thrusts his spear forward, hoping to impale an opponent. It is an extremely effective move, as it can pierce mail and chain, as well as being a simple glancing blow that can still break bones and cause wounds.
You drop your spear, grabbing a rock. As the Thruster charges toward you, you ram the rock into his chest, and watch his eyes widen in pain. He stumbles back, and you hurl the rock at his face. It misses, but you grab his spear, and before he has time to react you Thrust it into his side.
The orc falls to his knees, and you kick him in the face. His head snaps back, and you feel a satisfying crunch as his neck breaks. You wipe your brow, before realizing there's one left.
You smile. One left. One vamp to wipe out. One survivor to take down.
You go back to the burning village and search the houses, breaking down doors and looting them. Surprisingly, the vamp wasn't there. Good. You killed him, or at least got rid of an enemy, without suffering a scratch.
You laugh out loud. Ach! Best hunt bein' over too soon.
You set out to search the surrounding forests and fields for the last of the blood leeches. You've got a couple of days left, at least.
The next night, you enter a small hut in the woods to find a young girl. She's so pale and gaunt she looks like a ghost.
> You say "How old are you girl?"
"I'm fifteen." she says timidly.
"You're fifteen. You can't be a wer—"
"I am. I was born in twenty-second century."
"What?"
"Twenty-third. We don't age like you humans. Where I'm from we age and die like normal people."
You pause, trying to calculate how old she is. Fifteen, maybe? No way. They were only letting fifteen-year-olds in the infirmary when you left the village. The girl is no fifteen-year-old. She's... What? Twenty, twenty-one at the most?
You feel a creeping doubt. Maybe they age slowly here, but... No. You're just being paranoid. You know what you did.
"So... What's your name?"
"My name's not important."
"Yeah, it is. I'm going to call you Jane, ok?"
"Ok."
"Now, how old are you?"
The girl pulls a datapad from her pocket and taps the screen. "Twenty-three."
"You're not lying."
"I wasn't."
"You were lying. You're not human. You're a vampire."
"I'm not."
"Yes. You're a vampire. You've been turning people into vampires. I saw you."
"No, you didn't."
"Yes, I did. You killed that man during the ritual. You raised the dead."
"No."
"Yes! And after that man, you killed his entire family. I saw it."
The girl's face goes pale, and she backs away from you. "How do you know these things?"
"We know things."
You watch as the cold realization washes over her face.
> You say "Nightmare Shocker!"
You stare at the trembling girl and her blood-drunk comrades. You can tell she's one of them. "Don't worry. We'll protect you."
She laughs, manic and insane. "You're corpse puppets. Back to hell where you belong."
She breaks into a sprint, mindless with thirst and hunger. She leaps, bounding across the forest, straight toward you!
Your heart sinks. This is no longer a battle of wits. The creature is clearly too far gone, and will attack with deadly force. You're left with two options: Fight, and perhaps lose, or flee, and perhaps live.
> You fight and definitely win.
You grab your spear and leap forward, tackling the girl. Your weight is doubled over, and you raise your spear. The girl punches you in the face, her knuckles cracking against your jaw. Your brain explodes with pain, and you're sent flying.
A howl of agony escapes your lips, as your body slams into a tree. You let out one final shudder, before you're left as a still corpse, lifeless and cold in the night.
A bloody print appears on your chest. Two white fangs. The symbol of the Viceroy.
You may have failed to kill the Vampire. But the Horror that has befallen the world will be brought to an end.
You will have your revenge.
Death always finds a way.
- Ending #3: Revenge -
You will have your revenge.
Death always finds the way.
The Vampire barely moves. You blast his chest with a fireball, scorching it but failing to even slightly harm him. He lets out an unimpressed snort, pulling a silver dagger from his robe.
"Did you really think you'd beat me? You're no Joachim. You're a weak and pathetic being."
Your fists clench. You want to lash out, to return his insult with violence.
> You blow him a kiss with your infamous silver garlic lipstick.
You raise the silver garlic to your lips, blowing a massive, flaring kiss at him. He laughs, before it begins to emanate from his mouth like an exhaust. He sucks the air in, and the kiss transfers to you. You recoil in pain, your spine bowing as the transformed Vampires energy floods through you.
His laughter continues. "I'm sure glad you missed, Viceroy. I'm not quite done with this world yet."
You drop to your knees, vomiting blood and bile.
His eyes narrow. "You think that you've won? You're stupider than you look. I'm not finished. This world is mine for the taking."
Don't lose focus.
> You nail his candy ass to the wall.
You fire a bolt of energy, blasting the Vampire in the head. He lets out a shriek, as his head explodes. His body collapses to the floor, rags of flesh hanging from his bones.
"I'm going to feast on your bones, Viceroy." The voice is cold, mechanical. "And I'm not saving any."
He raises his rifle, firing. You feel the impact in your back, as you're flung forward with the force of the bullet. You slam into the Vampire's horde, corpses writhing and rotting, their eyes devoid of life. You let out a scream, but it's cut off as you're torn apart by the horde.
The Vampires laugh. "And so ends the Viceroy of the West. His rule lasted only five minutes."
You watch as the remaining Vampires begin to feast.
- Ending #4: Revenge -
You will have your revenge.
Death always finds the way.
The Vampire barely moves. You blast his chest with a fireball, scorching it but failing to even slightly harm him. He lets out an unimpained snort, pulling a silver dagger from his robe.
> You melt his face with rock'n'roll.
You pick up a nearby, heavy-looking stone and hurl it with all your might at the Vampire. It flies through the air and hits him straight in the head. He lets out a roar, as you see a small piece of skull come off and fall to the ground. He tackles you, knocking you against the ground, his claws viciously tearing at your flesh.
> You break all his arms, all his legs, and... you think, kill him.
You feel his claws swipe your arms, causing cuts and deep bruises to form, but you push him away and try to stand up. He falls to one knee, a look of pain in his eyes. He snarls at you, blood dripping down from his forehead. You take a deep breath, before rushing forward and punching him in the face. He falls backwards, looking at you. You raise your fist to strike again, but he rolls to one knee and the back of his dagger hand slams into your chest. You grunt in pain as he grabs your throat and attempts to stab you...
One of the many arrows you dropped earlier finally comes into range. You grab it with your left hand, raising it over your head. His eyes widen in surprise as you wind up and swing the heavy arrow, hitting him straight in the face. His head snaps back, and his hands fly up to protect his head. You watch as the arrow flies on through and pierce his skull. He lets go of you and falls backwards, his head landing in the pile of bodies behind him. His body twitches for a moment, before lying still.
You take a deep breath, before looking around. The battle is over. The Vampires are all dead. You stand in the center of the village, it's that shitty little village you came here to begin with, the dead bodies all around you.
"Wolves?" You ask, watching as a small pack of around ten Wolves appear in the distance. They shamble towards you, looking hungry.
"Are you sure?" Haygarth asks, reaching for his axe.
You nod, watching as the Wolves begin to circle you and Haygarth.
"We should... RUN!" Haygarth yells, starting to run.
"Fuck that! I'M not running!" You yell, charging forward with a battle cry.
You meet the first Wolf in combat. Its flesh is rotten, and you slice through it's neck in seconds, tossing the corpse aside. You grab a dagger from its sheath, slashing at an opposing Werewolf. It jabs a claw at you, but you catch it and twist it's arm until it let's out a pained yelp. You stab it through the heart, tossing the corpse aside.
You tackle another Werewolf, crushing it under your weight. You grab a dagger from its side, stabbing it through the heart and tossing the corpse aside as well. You kick a Werewolf in the side, knocking the creature down. You grab its head and smash it into pieces along with its abdomen, before standing on its back and stomping on its neck, crushing it.
The Wolves charge you, howling. You stand back as one leaps forward and stabs you through the chest, its weight piercing the armor and knocking you to the ground. It bites down on your throat, tearing through flesh and biting down with a powerful force. You scream out in pain as you desperately hack the creature's head off, tossing it aside. You weakly raise your hand as the other Wolf leaps forward, slashing your throat open.
You let out a pained gasp, before expiring.
You awaken from these strange dreams of revenge, you remember that you are Crazy Foo, female Human warrior turned monstrous gargoyle you feel the pain in your quickly healing cracked jaw as you lay incapacitated inside the jalopy of an armed personnel carrier. Hazel lies on the floor beside heaving labored breaths escape her gnarled jaws. You can see Eldolith in the comically complex cab of the vehcle, like a landbound astronaut. The APC rolls on through the heavy brush.
"Haygarth!" You growl, as you begin pushing yourself off the floor and attempting to stand up.
"Right here!" He grunts, holding his axe out to you.
You grab the weapon and stand, wincing in pain as you put pressure on your broken jaw.
"What happened?" He asks,
> You say "I thought you were just in my dream, Haygarth."
"Oh. Right." Haygarth says, "It's flattering to hear that you dream of me."
"It really wasn't that kind of dream, at least not the part with you in it... Sorry."
You look to the side of the vehicle, noticing a small flap of the fabric that covers it. You raise it, looking outside.
The vehicle's tracks are covered in blood and mud, and the road is covered in blood, ash and mud. It looks like the track you've been following lead you through a battlefield of some sort.
On either side of the road are humanoid corpses, limbs everywhere. They must have been Orcs, with their long swords and axes in hand when they died.
"I see you've been to the battlefield." Eldolith says, "Interesting."
"We've been lookin' for you." The driver says from inside the cab of the vehicle.
"Well, you've found me. What's the situation?"
The driver, who appears to be a soldier although badly damaged and scarred, bites his lip nervously.
"We've come across some... Unexpected things on the way here. There's nothing to be afraid of, I assure you. I'm just here to drive you to the destination."
You nod.
"Where is that, exactly?"
"The Mazkil Mine."
You raise an eyebrow.
"A Mazkil Mine? What are you talking about? I've never heard of a mine by that name."
"Well, it's not a real mine. It's a term used to describe a mine owned by the Vampire Clan. We believe it to be their home." Eldolith explains, "We're going there to wipe them out."
You pay attention as you come across more corpses on the road.
"Wait, so this is a vampire mine? I've heard of such things, but they're nothing but myths and superstition." You say, "You can't believe everything you're told..."
"This isn't the work of Mythical or Superstitious Mirelurkers, either." Eldolith says, "We've found evidence that they've been using the mine's workforce to conduct some sort of experiment. They're not Human anymore.
You feel a warmth unharicteristic to the moment overwhelm you, as the twilight sunbeams, streaming in through the narrow windows, highlight Eldolith's curvy Elfen frame, and sparkle off her short blond hair.
While I'm sure Eldolith is an exceptional warrior, she's no doubt one of the most beautiful creatures you've had the pleasure of laying your eyes upon. It's an affliction that only the young seem to suffer from, and it is one of the reasons why Elves were almost completely wiped out by the years long Human War.
"We're nearly there." The driver says from behind.
"We have to be quick." Eldolith continues, "We'll have to engage them in close combat, as this is likely to be a drawn out affair."
"How many are we looking at?" You ask.
"At the entrance, there are about thirty standing guard. Inside, there are probably no more than twenty, but they're all powerful."
"How do we overcome this?"
"The Wooden Chapel."
"What?"
"We head to the Chapel." Eldolith says, "There's an ancient magical place of worship that we use as a base. We'll be able to charge up there to prepare a better defense."
You nod.
"Alright, let's go."
The mine seems to go on forever, or at least it feels that way. The mine is dimly lit, with lanterns and torches lit along the mine shafts. It makes the mine seem much more dangerous and foreboding.
"We're nearly there." The driver says, "turn to face the wall."
You turn to face the wall of the van, and feel the gun pressed into the back of your skull.
"Just... Just hold on for a little longer." The driver says.
"Where's the nearest way out of here?" You ask.
"The nearest exit is the Vampire Clan's Mine Shaft."
You nod. If you could find your way out, you could easily evade through the Vampire's underground mine shaft, and be free.
"Alright, I'm going to get out here. Get any closer and I'll blow your brain pan all over the back of your skull." The driver says.
"Relax, I'm not trying to rob you."
You hear the driver chuckling as he steps out of the van.
"Hey, who's ready to rumble?" He shouts, "I'm going to go check the surrounding area. I want one of you to take up position behind me with a crossbow, and the other to circle around and make a beeline for the mine shaft."
> You circle around and make a beeline for the mine shaft.
You circle around the mine shaft, and begin sprinting towards it. You can hear the Vampire's Enforcer calling for his comrades to advance on your position.
> You say "Makankōsappō!"
A wisp of smoke appears between you and the Vampire's, as your sword bursts into flames. With a smile, you swing. The Vampire takes an attack that would certainly kill a normal being, but not you.
You acquire the "Special Beam Cannon" achievement.
You swing again, slicing the Vampire's leg off to the bone. He falls to his knees, howling. You thrust your sword into his chest, killing him.
You acquire the "Fire" achievement.
You swing your sword again and set the Vampire alight, burning to death. You turn to walk away, and notice another Vampire approaching.
> You kill the Vampire.
You dash forward, stabbing your sword into the Vampire's chest. He stumbles back, yet you keep your composure, pulling your blade out and stabbing repeatedly. You stab your sword repeatedly into his chest. Your blade buries itself into the Vampire's body, and his blood pours out, burning hot.
> You say "Makūhōidan!"
You aim your gun at the Vampire, pulling the trigger...
Nothing. The gun is empty. You're in the middle of a battle. It doesn't matter, you won't need it anyway.
You dart forward, stabbing the Vampire in the neck with your sword. The Vampire grabs at his neck, stumbling back, and you stab him again, this time in the chest. Blood pours out of his mouth, burning your hand.
You stab him a third time, through the heart, and he catches fire, toppling over.
> You say "Yes! Firesword!"
You walk up to the burning Vampire, and swing your sword into his chest to put it out. The Vampire lets out a final, fiery growl and dies. The sword gets so hot you have to drop it. You drop to your knees, putting your hand on the blade, and wait for the flames to die down.
"Hm." You think to yourself. "The Crimson Talons are finished, and the Vampire Clans will soon be on their last legs. Humanity is coming out of this victorious."
You pick up your sword, and notice a card lying on the ground. You pick it up and read it:
Congratulations!!! You have won the battle!!
The war is not yet over, however. You'll be needing to go to the newly-conquered New Dessel province to turn the tide there.
The generals of this war are waiting for you in the war room. You might want to speak to them about it before you leave.
Good luck, Gunner!
You acquired the "Good Ending"



Ben Fugman

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Here is a list of the World Events for this story.

- The ruling lich king has ordered all of his warriors to enter the mountains to try to locate the source of the weakening of the undead gods. Many ghoul citizens disturbed by the King's order nevertheless obey out of fear or respect.

- The lich king has declared a series of tournaments and celebrations to cheer his people's spirits. The people of Gorgis took up the call and many of them turned to merriment.

- A vampire woman with incredible powers had been getting close to the lich king and had been secretly talking with him. The Vampire woman had the Lich King wrapped around her finger, even though she was not an undead herself. Many ghoul citizens were suspicious of the strange relationship and rumors circled the kingdom about the King's mysterious new friend.

- A massive army of undead has been spotted marching on the kingdom and if this battle goes badly the Lich King and his undead followers won't last long.

- Something strange is going on in the magical mountain, and the ghoul people have stopped their incessant attacks and are instead preparing for an attack.

- The Vampire woman has revealed herself as an undead abomination and it was a trap that had snared the Lich King. The king was destroyed in the struggle, and his dark kingdom has fallen to ruin.

- The Lich King has been reborn a powerful vampire and has set his sights on the living kingdoms.

- The lich king has been defeated but the Vampire Woman is still on the loose. What will happen next?

- The Lich King is reborn from the ashes of his defeat and his eternity of undeath continues.

- The Lich King is destroyed. In this moment of weakness the Vampire Woman has taken command of the undead armies and has set out to conquer all of the living lands.

- The Lich King has been destroyed and the Vampire Woman has claimed his powerful throne.

- The Vampire Woman has started to make allies, and the forces of Gorgis are set to march north.

- The Vampire Woman has been defeated and the undead armies of Gorgis have begun to fall apart.

- The Vampire Woman has disappeared, and the undead armies of Gorgis have ceased their assault on the living Kingdom.

- The Vampire Woman has returned and is making plans to once again claim her place as ruler of the undead armies.

- A group of Vampires have been infecting their own kind with a magical plague, weakening the humanoid population.

- The Kingdom of Darkworld has been destroyed by a massive undead army lead by the Vampire Woman.

- The Vampire Woman has disappeared and the undead armies of the Kingdom of Gorgis have started to lose their motivation and have begun to retreat.

- The Vampire Woman has returned and is making plans to yet again claim her place as ruler of the undead armies.

- A group of Vampires have been infecting their own kind with a magical plague, weakening the humanoid population.